a few years ago, i was describing, to my spiritual director, the process used by the group of guys i meet with once a year for support and accountability. she mentioned that it sounded a little bit like a quaker clearness committee. i was intrigued by that (new to me) idea, and blogged about it here.

last week, i got to participate in a clearness committee, and it was a great process. a friend of mine had contacted me asking about getting a group together to help him with some discernment around a life decision he’s trying to make (and is feeling rather “stuck” on, in terms of deciding). he’d heard on a podcast how shane hipps had used a clearness committee as part of his decision process to move to michigan and join the staff of mars hill bible church. i knew my wife, a spiritual director, would be more familiar with the process than me; she suggested my friend needed a facilitator — someone who explained the process, held the boundaries, and hosted the space. at my friend’s request, jeannie (my wife) agreed to play that facilitator role. i think the facilitator role, btw, was only important since none of us were familiar with the clearness committee process. if the participants had all done this before, i think it would be quite easy to self-regulate the process without a facilitator.

this process was fairly simple, really, and is based on the idea that the holy spirit is in each of us (both the person with the question, and the other participants). but it’s not as much about “advice giving” (which often crosses into our own junk and mere opinions), as it is about asking open-ended questions to bring the convener into a space where he or she can more clearly hear what the spirit is saying.

the “rules” are straightforward (as i understand them):

1. the whole group enters into a time of prayerful silence, becoming aware of god’s presence.

2. the convener takes a period of time (10 – 20 minutes?) to describe the question, as well as his or her current thinking about it.

3. then, after some silence, the group asks open ended questions. the whole experience is considered an act of prayer, and there needs to be an open-handedness, expectancy, listening-prayer vibe to it. we were encouraged to not be afraid of silence — instead, to allow spaces of silence for reflection and listening. in fact, after our time was over, the guy who called it said he would have appreciate more silence and space between the questions, as he often didn’t feel like he had permission to reflect. the questions are meant to be “discerning” questions — so we asked things like “what emotions do you experience when you think of making X choice?”, or “what’s your fear about X choice?” this question asking portion is the major part of the clearness committee, and it’s essential that it NOT spill into advice giving. advice giving is not a part of the clearness committee process. it’s also important to give plenty of time for this, knowing that some of the best questions won’t be the ones that come to mind initially. “plenty of time” means at least 2 hours for this portion of the process alone.

4. after a pre-determined boundary of time (it can’t just be that the 2nd section ends when there are no more questions, or the group will naturally think they’ve reached the end when they first run out of questions — but patiently waiting for more brings really good stuff), the group has an opportunity to share observations. again, this is not an advice giving time. the observations are more along the lines of “i noticed that you seemed to have a good deal of energy when you talked about X,” or “it felt like you might be trying to talk yourself out of X choice.” the convener has an opportunity to respond to each of these observations, if he or she chooses.

5. i don’t know if this is technically part of the clearness committee process, but our group ended with a time of prayer – but our prayers were focused on blessing our friend.

after we were done, we all reminded each other not to slip right into advice giving mode. it would be very easy, as soon as the 3 hour process concluded to think, “great, now that’s done, i can tell him what i really think he should do.” but that would be a violation of the process. our guideline was, if he wants to bring the subject up with any of us in the days and weeks to come, that’s his prerogative; but it’s not our place to bring it up with him (and certainly not to tell him what we think he should do).

anyhow. it wasn’t like the process ended with my friend knowing exactly what he should do. his situation is very complex, and doesn’t have anything remotely close to an easy or obvious answer. but i do think the process took him a few steps forward on identifying questions he should be prayerfully wrestling with, and on listening to the spirit (and not only his fears).

here’s an excellent overview, written by parker palmer: The Clearness Committee: A Communal Approach To Discernment (this content is available as a downloadable pdf on a bunch of other sites, including here, and here).

{ 2 comments }

the children of divorce: the loss of family as the loss of being, by andrew root

5 stars
i’m tellin’ ya, andy root is a prolific author, and he’s cranking out a crazy-wide variety of books that youth workers (and others) need to read. in the last few weeks, he released the promise of despair: the way of the cross as the way of the church. and, i just finished reading the galleys for his upcoming release, the children of divorce (which release on august 1). first a book with IVP, then one with YS/Z, then the just released abingdon book, and this upcoming one with baker: apparently publishers want to publish andy root. and there’s a good reason why — he actually has something to say. the children of divorce is an academic book, but certainly not impenetrable. it’s a book of practical theology, bringing in the disciplines of social theory and psychology, to posit some implications on today’s children and teenagers whose parents divorce. one of the most “framing” sections of the book for me was understanding — right up there in chapter 1 — the historical shifts of marriage throughout history, and how that greatly impacts how children (and teens) perceive themselves in the midst or wake of divorce.

i was asked if i would consider writing an endorsement for this book. i never write one unless i’ve actually read the book (amazing how often that isn’t the case). but this book was easy to endorse, as it’s way-important reading for youth workers (and any parent or grandparent — or, anyone who cares about kids). here’s the wee endorsement i wrote:

Youth workers have always know that the impact of divorce on kids was substantially deeper and all-encompassing that pop culture would want us to believe; but Andy Root, thankfully, gives us the articulation for why. Reading the book felt like sitting with Root at a table set up — precariously, uncomfortably — in the 3-way intersection of history, psychology and theology. I learned more about family in the first chapter than from any other entire book I’ve read.

the glass castle: a memoir, by jeannette walls

5 stars
this stunning memoir released several years ago, and it was sitting on our bookshelf, as my wife had read it. i’d heard great things about it, and can only say they undersold it. rarely, if ever, have i read a true story that so defies the “good/bad” continuum on which we like to plot families of origin. really, jeannette walls’ upbringing is ghastly, and one i would not want imposed on even the most annoying or horrible kid i’ve ever met. but, at the very same time (or, more accurately, intermittently) there are regular moments of love and insight and adventure that lift this off that continuum. i’ve met many kids from privileged surburban homes (the opposite of walls’ experience) whose parents provide for physical needs, but spend their lives completely disengaged from their kids in every emotional and relational way. just when i was wanting to smack her parents, they did or said something breathtakingly wonderful. and just when i was thinking i might give them the benefit of the doubt (something the author seems at peace with doing, in the end), her parents become icons of off-the-charts selfishness and stupidity. it’s an amazing story in-and-of-itself; but the implications are greater than the story. most parents (myself included) fall on both sides of the bell curve; only a few fall, consistently, to one side or the other; walls’ parents are so outside the standard deviation in both directions that the bell is no longer meaningful.

the next 100 years: a forecast for the 21st century, by george friedman

4.5 stars
whoa. while one might consider it the height of hubris to write an entire book making predictions about the geopolitics of the world for the next 100 years, the dude pulls it off. what i mean is: when he predicts that russia will gain strength in the next few years, then fall apart by 2020, he offers enough great reasons and backing that it just makes sense. and when he writes about turkey and poland and japan being the three other world superpowers (in addition to the u.s.) by mid-century, it is not posited as an opinion, but, rather, a well-informed hyper-logical estimation. and the world war around 2050? wow. the whole thing started to give me a mental image of a long string of dominos stood on end, expected to knock each other down: if at some point, there’s a little deviation, the string will eventually break down. and the deeper i got into the book, and the later the predictions got into the 2nd half of the 21st century, the harder and harder they were to believe. that said, even the stuff he suggests will occur in 2080 (like, massive tensions between the u.s. and mexico that could be the beginnings of the u.s. slipping from strongest superpower status) seem based in extremely logical and, even, likely realities. fascinating book. i kept thinking of the missions implications of it all!

rides of the midway: a novel, by lee durkee

2 stars
i was looking for a novel to read recently, and found this on my bookshelf, remembering that i’d bought it a few years ago on a recommendation i read somewhere. i dove into it, and was digging it for a while. it’s a sort of coming-of-age story, of a teenage (then college age) boy growing up in the deep south, in the 70s. but i started wondering where the heck the story was going. was it a morality tale? a ghost story? a character piece? just as i started to suspect i was wrong for my early-pages enjoyment of the book, i came to a startling realization. it was a good 3/4 through the book when i realized this: i’d already read the book. now, that tells me something, if i didn’t even remember reading it (knowing it would have been in the last 4 or 5 years, at the most). and, though i finished it — because i hate not finishing books — it was like finishing a meal you are grossly disappointed with. don’t bother.

{ 0 comments }

the road, by cormac mccarthy

5 stars
i’ve wanted to see this movie, but haven’t gotten around to it. someone told me the book was really worth reading, so i picked this up in an airport when i was on a trip without a book; and i devoured it in 24 hours. it’s a stunning, bleak, sparse telling of a post-apocalyptic landscape and the relationship between a father and the young son he’s trying to protect. the relationship between the father and son is at time heartbreaking (the lengths the father goes to, and the numbness, fear and acceptance of what shouldn’t be that overwhelms the boy), and at times relationally rich and beautiful. it’s not one of those adventure stories that makes me want to experience their adventure, to be sure; but the hope the father holds onto, in the midst of impossible challenges, lifts the story up well beyond a scenario that would otherwise be merely brutal, indulgent storytelling.

the birth (and death) of the cool, by ted gioia

4 stars
the birth (and death) of the cool offers a history of the rise of the concept of ‘cool’ (mostly through jazz; but, eventually, permeating modern culture), then suggest current realities showing it’s demise. the suggestion is that the concept of cool — aloof and above — has gone by the wayside in our culture both by being watered down and co-opted, as well as by replacement values, like earnestness and authenticity. the author is a jazz historian, so much of the story is told through that lens — but this makes sense since the concept of cool was born in that context. more interesting to me than the actual rise and fall of this youth-oriented cultural construct was viewing this as a case study for how values rise and fall within youth culture, and how those values — particularly once they’re simultaneously embraced by wider culture and by marketers — dissipate and are replaced by new (or old) values. worth a read for anyone interested in the evolution of cultural values. i was constantly, during reading, thinking about how youth culture has become the dominant culture in america (and most of the developed world). the transitory values held by youth culture get amalgamated into mainstream culture, lose their purity (if that word can be used) and lose steam; by then, youth culture has moved on, and culture at large starts to look to youth for what’s next.
(ht to bob carlton, who sent me this book)

the dude abides: the gospel according to the coen brothers, by cathleen falsani

3 stars
let me start with this: cathleen falsani’s last book, sin boldly: a field guide to grace, was one of my favorite books the year it came out. so my expectations for this next book were, i’m sure, unfairly high. i like the coen brothers movies, but haven’t seen them all. so i certainly wouldn’t qualify as an uber-fan. this book promises much more than it delivers, i’m afraid. the promise, at least as i picked it up, was a deep dive into the spiritual themes and subtext of the coen brothers movie vault. there’s some of that here, but it’s mostly summaries of the movies. i still think falsani is an author to be watched, and i’ll quickly grab whatever book she publishes next (and i have her blog in my reader, and follow it regularly). but this one was a misfire for me. it did make me want to rent some of the coen bros movies i hadn’t seen, though.

a million miles in a thousand years: what i learned while editing my life, by donald miller

5 stars
i have a handful of favorite authors where i’ve read pretty much all of their books. then there are those like don miller. i’ve only read two of his books (blue like jazz, and this one). and i want to say he’s one of my favorite authors; but that’s a stretch since i’ve only read two of his many books. i’ve also heard him speak a half dozen times, and have found him to be just the right mix of storytelling and provocative ideas for my taste. in that mix, ‘a million miles’ narrows it down: great storytelling and one really provocative idea. the provocative idea, in my own words, is that a great life worth living is one full of risk. in a sense, don applies ‘low risk, potential for low reward; high risk, potential for high reward’ to the art of living. and, since don’s a guy who is naturally disposed to rut-living and risk-averse choices, his life becomes his own case study for all the reasons any of us readers would have balk. seriously, you can’t read this book and not start dreaming of ways to reinvigorate the story of your life.

{ 4 comments }

ah, yes, monday. i have a half dozen overly serious posts swirling around; so let’s start the week with this. the prize, as usual, is absolutely stunning: it’s the admiration (and possible even jealousy) of everyone else who didn’t win. bring on your best captions!

CONTENDERS

John Freese
runner-up in the breast cancer awareness float contest…

Michael Kane
I love trust falls

Trey Bledsoe
Legion…The Musical

henry cesena
The Pink Flower is hoping for the Bee to land and continue the Cycle of life.

Chris Webe
No, Bishop, I didn’t think this morning’s liturgical dance piece was over the top at all. Which part was it that bothered you?

Andrew Seely
Finally, “the sex talk” gets interesting.

some great ones this time, but i’m gonna call the winner as…

andrew seely, with “finally, ‘the sex talk’ gets interesting.” freakin’ hilarious, andrew. i raise a cold something-or-other to you!

{ 38 comments }

an odd thing (or at least surprising to me) is happening on my calendar as i continue to book speaking engagements for this year and next. i’m getting a good deal of stuff in the short term (through may), and i’m getting a couple things per month for the fall (though i certainly still have space there). but my summer is surprisingly open. and, while i’m trying to develop both my consulting and coaching work, speaking engagements are my primary source of income (plus, i love doing them!).

so, if you’re still looking for a speaker in june, july, or august, i might be your guy!

here’s my current speaking schedule from now ’til the end of the year, with comments about availabity:

march
17/18 – youth event in new braunfels, tx
21 – parent event in dayton, oh
22/23 – youth ministry event in canton, oh

april
9 – 11 – youth ministry event in guatemala city, guatemala
16 – 18 – junior high event in joppa, md

*april is more full than it looks, as i have my first YMCP meeting, a spring break family trip to yosemite, and 4 days with a guys group i meet with every year.

may
april 30 – may 1 – youth ministry event in ft myers, fl
3/4 – youth ministry event in orlando, fl
5/6 – pastors and youth workers events in midland, mi
7 – youth ministry event in holland, mi

*sunday, may 2, is open and i’ll be in florida with my airfare already covered. i’m finished in ft myers saturday evening, and am due in orlando monday morning. would love to find something for that sunday. the rest of the month is currently open, but i’m working on another trip to haiti in that span.

june
9/10 – youth event in jackson, ms

*i would love to get at least one more opportunity in june.

july
*nothin’. seriously. there are tumbleweeds blowing through my july calendar.

august
14 – 17 – youth camp, oak island, nc
20 – 22 – youth camp, oak island, nc

*i’d love to get something on the calendar for early august.

september
24 – 26 – junior high event in kitchener, ontario

*would love to add 1 or 2 things in sept

october
1 – 4 – nywc in san diego, ca
15 – 17, junior high event in carlinville, il

*have room for 1 more thing in oct

november
19 – 22 – nywc in nashville, tn

*would really love to add a couple things in november

december
*nuttin’. once again: tumbleweeds.

i’m also booking speaking engagements for 2011 now, and have a few on my calendar.

if you’d like to consider having me join you for your event, please shoot me an email (mark.oestreicher@gmail.com), or email my booking dude, tim grable (tim@thegrablegroup.com).

{ 4 comments }

i wrote, a few weeks back, while in haiti, about meeting michelle. she was in a hospital we stopped at just over the border into haiti. she shared her horrendous story with us, of having her twin 17-month old sons die in her arms when her house collapsed on top of her. but there’s more to the story than that. ian robertson, our amazing videographer, just put together this video, which both shares the story, as well as some of our reflections later that day.

{ 0 comments }

i bookmarked this video on mike king’s blog some time ago, and finally got around to watching it. it’s stefan sagmeister, a new york designer, giving a talk at TED about the power of taking time off.

i often find that i need people who do things more extreme than me to push me to do a portion of that extreme. sagmeister’s regular year-long sabbatical is extreme – but how cool would that be? in the mean time, this is a reminder to me that i have to be diligent in planning my quarterly three-day silent retreats.

i got diligent about this last week, and found a place (and dates) for my next retreat. and it’s now. i’m leaving tonite, after my final ‘leadership coaching program’ meeting with john townsend, and will be isolated and silent through thursday noon. no internet, no cell coverage – nothing but me and god and a small handful of books.

{ 1 comment }

my friend lars rood just published a piece on youthworker.com (youthworker journal’s website) about how we leveraged social media on our recent trip to haiti. it offers a somewhat different perspective on our trip than our blog post about stories from haiti. and it certainly brings out some implications for how youth workers might think about using social media for their short-term trips.

here’s a snippet from the end of the article:

Utilizing social media to get more people to team up with the YMATH team has resulted in a huge outpouring of support and a desire within others to go to Haiti. The experiment of using social media to engage people with the stories of Haiti has proven to be an incredible new way of doing missions. No longer will parents drop off students at an airport and have to wonder what they are doing during their trip. Church congregations don’t have to be separated from their ambassadors as they serve in far-away lands. Using all the available technology will help families, churches and friends experience the trip and feel as though they are a part or the experience. This is a new reality for missions.

{ 2 comments }

i had a busy and somewhat stressful day yesterday. so i think i need a few chuckles generated by a photo in need of a caption. no big prize — just the pride of knowing you’re a WINNER! best caption, judged subjectively by little ol’ me, wins a pile o’ pride (the good kind, not the sinful kind).

CONTENDERS

Tim Mauriello
“I find your lack of filtering disturbing.”

Steven
I hate chores, if I hadn’t tried to kill Luke… he’d be doing this now!

Jeff Myers
Darth Wader

Jeff Myers
The problem with the tie-fighters is that they tend to overheat…

Lon
Effects of the galatical recession.

Trey Bledsoe
Coolest youth ministry relay race ever…

Daryl Lucas
These aren’t the plankton you’re looking for.

and the winner is…

i sure do like all of these, and they make me smile again as i read them. but i have to go with the simple wit of jeff myers and his “darth wader” on this one.

all hail jeff, grand champion of this round of ‘photo in need of a caption’. we salute you and your winningosity. hoist a cup or glass of something to yourself, now.

{ 54 comments }

adventures in missions has some very cool stuff brewing along the lines of a meaningful connecting between american and haitian churches. but, for now, here’s a wonderful video from our first trip to haiti (with the youth ministry advance team: haiti), talking about the strength and movement of god stirring in the haitian church.

{ 2 comments }