i’m experiencing a handful of turns in my thinking about youth ministry these days. most of them are not even close to fully fleshed out. i often see them pop up when i’m doing a youth ministry seminar, saying something i’ve said before, and realizing i don’t fully agree with it anymore. this happened to me last week at an event i was speaking at in mississippi.
it happened during a presentation and dialogue based primarily on youth ministry 3.0, in the section where i was talking about the lengthening of adolescence. yes, adolescence has lengthened on the lower end (with the age drop in puberty, as well as significant cultural issues). but the much more dramatic shift in the last decade is the lengthening on the other end of adolescence, with (according to adolescence researchers and opinionators) adolescence stretching, on average, well into the late 20s, and often past 30. of course, with the hard-and-fast marker of a culturally agreed-upon age marker (18 or 21), or a fairly common life marker (high school graduation) no longer in play, the normal distribution of “when someone becomes an adult” has also spread out years in both directions of the semi-arbitrary median point of 27 years old.
for a few years now, as i’ve read about and watched adolescence extend, and as i’ve wrestled with the adolescent brain development stuff i’ve blogged about here so many times, i’ve asked the question, “what does this mean for us youth workers who have 18 – 22 year old volunteer staff, and sometimes interns, in our ministries?”
we talked about this question at length at our jh pastors summit a few years back. at that point, there was some general agreement (though it would be interesting to see if the general agreement made it into practice with the participants — praxis usually leans toward utilitarianism when the rubber meets the road) that we needed to rethink the roles and involvement of volunteers under 24, and under 22 in particular. we talked about having them partner with more seasoned volunteers. we talked about not having them in roles that required significant decision making or wisdom.
in short: we talked about further isolating them from living as adults. ouch.
but my thinking is turning. some of this is certainly due to reading robert epstein‘s book, teen 2.0 (btw: i just found out yesterday that the san diego cohort of my youth ministry coaching program is going to get to meet with epstein at our next meeting, in august). and the turn in my thinking is coming from many conversations i’ve had in the last few months, including one with my literary agent about the possibility of writing a book on this subject.
the turn is this: since i’ve become very unconvinced that the whole teenage brain thing is a nature thing (god’s design, you might say), and is more likely to be a nurture thing (the result of our collective restrictions on young adults, keeping them from moving into adulthood, or using their brains as adults). and, as i’m buying into the notion that young adults (and even teenagers — particularly older teenagers) are fully capable — whether behavioral indicators show this or not — of “being adult”, i’m forced to wrestle with a few things:
1. extended adolescence is not the fault of young adults. sure, there are slackers. i’m guessing there always have been. but i think it’s wiser for us to examine ourselves, our culture, our churches, our homes, and stop pointing the finger of judgement at 20-somethings. we’ve — collectively — created the culture that isolates teenagers and young adults from adults and adulthood; we’ve created extended adolescence. they’re merely living into our expectations (“you’re not yet an adult”).
2. it does seem to be possible (based on what i’m reading and what i’ve seen) for post-high school teenagers and young 20-somethings to step into adulthood, in some cases very quickly, to reverse the extended adolescent trend, or at least side-step it. i’m not talking about those outliers who naturally move into adulthood “early” (by today’s norms), and would have in any culture, in any era; i’m talking about an average 18 or 21 year old newly leaning into the capabilities they already possess. what is required? in short: meaningful responsibility and expectation (can you see where this is going, as it pertains to young adults in youth ministry?).
3. but don’t even start comparing your experience as a young adult in youth ministry, in 1982, to that of young adults today. not the same thing, and you’re probably being revisionist in your memory anyhow.
a large church brought me in a few months ago to help them think about young adult ministry. they knew things were not going well. but it was way more bleak than i expected, or, i think, than they realized. in a church of a few thousand, there were maybe 25 or so actively engaged 20-somethings. about a dozen of them attended a super-lame class on sunday mornings that felt like death in a microwave. and another dozen or so found their primary connection to the church as volunteers in the middle school ministry. of course, here’s the tension:
- many of the church leadership (but, to his credit, not the senior pastor) thought the best response was to hire a ‘young adults pastor’ and create (my words) a new pocket of isolation, keeping ‘emerging adults’ (the kinder term now being used to describe the third segment of the adolescent experience — formerly called ‘older adolescents’) disconnected from the adult world. of course, this is all spun under the banner of “let’s create a space that’s uniquely theirs” (which often actually means, “let’s create a space for them so my space can stay uniquely mine”).
- the young adults serving on the middle school team were the sharpest of the 2 dozen young adults in the church, and — on average — ahead of the curve on the plodding move to adulthood.
- but, a church (that church) can’t say, “our intentional ministry for young adults is to have them work with the middle school ministry”.
or can they?
that church already has a (new) deeply good church service, open to all ages, but clearly accessible to the vibes and preferences of young adults, without making it a “young adult worship service”. when i attended, i sat in between young adults, teenagers, parents, and other middle-agers. i did see one old guy leave in disgust (making quite a show of it).
so, maybe the answer isn’t to “boundary” or limit young adults in youth ministry. maybe we need to take the counter-intuitive step of giving them more responsibility. or, just, giving them the responsibility we would give any adult.
some might read this and respond, “well, of course, we already do that.” sure. maybe you do (maybe you don’t). maybe you never read about teenage brain development and extended adolescence, and maybe you never bought into the idea (or, i’m thinking: myth) that “this is just the way things are.” or maybe you were never intentional at all, and were merely perpetuating stereotypes about who makes the “best” youth ministry volunteers.
but i’m changing my thinking. at least i think i am. i need to think about it more.
what do you think?
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great insights marko. I sent this to our key leaders!
I loved this line, “in short: we talked about further isolating them from living as adults. ouch.” I am 23 and am in my 5th year of youth ministry. I jumped right from college into a full-time job and have been working without the aid of interns or volunteers for a year in a program of kids that has grown from 25 to 40 in the 9 months I have been here. It’s insane. And as I try to find volunteers and interns who are qualified, who have the ability to help a program and positively influence my kids, it is hard. I have the struggle of, Do I look for someone who is mature already? Or, Do I take the raw one, put him/her in a challenging role, and pray he/she excels? And which of these is a wise use of resources?
One of my biggest frustrations with people my age is their lack of interest in growing up. In a world of forced-adulthood–where 12 year olds have cell phones and 15 year olds are fathers, and anything goes in the world of morality–why do we have so many 23 year olds who want to be “independent”, but still want to rely on dad’s checkbook and mom’s cooking–why do we have so many children in a world of “adults”? And what positive and negative effects, if any, does that realm and culture have on my youth ministry?
we better hope it’s a nurture and not nature thing or we’re in serious trouble…after all, we still hand them guns, warships, fighter jets and missile control boards when they join the military…perhaps most importantly, if they graduate from the academies, we hand them something even more valuable and dangerous…other young adults (who are in turn in control of those things)
adolescence is extending (at least by nurture) so we have to deal with it but that doesn’t mean we have to call it good or that we can’t structure our ministries to challenge it
Hi Marko. I love reading your emerging thoughts on this topic. In that I work with youth who are in trouble with the law, this brain development topic comes up a lot. I am assuming you have collaborated/discussed this issue with psychologists and not just sociologists. I guess that’s question one. Because there is a lot research an information out there about the brain developing until age 25; therefore making it possible to rehabilitate some (keyword) juvenile offenders. I’m thinking this whole extended afolescense issue cannot be discussed only in the context of youth ministry, rather it must extend to all facets of adolescent study. Yes?
The science and brainscans that are being taken and analyzed, are far beyond my expertise. Whether they are right or wrong, I do not believe that part has ever changed. I believe whatever they see, has always been.
That being said, it is a cultural thing of letting young adults “off the hook”. I believe they are not only capable of adulthood, but they long for it, and are ready. Are they gonna make mistakes and bad decisions… YES, but we all did. We need to give them the chance to lead with the passion and energy that they have, and be there to guide them, sometimes before the issue, but mostly to help build them up after.
Our responsibility as followers of Christ is to train other people to be followers of Christ, no matter the age.
Good stuff – we’ve talked about my frustration with “stage of life” ministry pertaining to young adults right? But I think ‘pocket of isolation’ is a better turn of phrase.
I’d also be really interested to look at the sociological differences between church raised kids and others.
Marko,
I am with you on this. I believe there is something to be said about given our students, in any stage of adolescence really, more responsibility and connecting them to the fabric of the larger church. We recently just changed our Sunday morning programming (at a small Presbyterian Church in North County San Diego) to reflect the emphasis on our High School students serving on Sunday morning rather than being isolated on Sunday morning in their own groups. Needless to say it has met with lots of opposition because the general populace of our church body isn’t ready for a change like that. I am wondering if I am too much ahead of the curve in this thinking, or if it is good to just go for it and hope that we can hold it all together. I love that you are thinking this way and the discussion that is following.
Maybe we would be better off if churches were open to risk, bad decisions, and mistakes. Imagine if our churches were considered an adventure where people grew and learned together. That churches resembled reality. A significant contribution to my journeying towards being a mature disciple, is the fact that in my 20′s I am stepping up. I have fought to be a leader. But, at the end of the day, the majority of churches I know, have minimal influence or willingness to let younger people be leaders. And its also a very lonely process… with little mentorship and support.
I am confident that if we are not challenged to change (crisis), we will always try to segment things up and control. Churches will continue to isolate and extend adolescence.
Preach, brother. As our expectations and demands decrease adolescence extends.
@vik — yes, this is not easy or simple. i still strongly believe that an age (and maturity) diversity is key to a good youth staff. otherwise, if the whole group of volunteers are all 18 – 25, it’s STILL an exercise in isolating them from the world of adults (and, heck, it’s furthered by the fact that their working with teenagers!). and, yes, pray — but do more than pray! give meaningful responsibility; come alongside with coaching and leadership; check in often. don’t just throw them into the deep end and walk away from the pool.
on your other set of questions: i think the reason “we have so many 23 year olds who want to be “independent”, but still want to rely on dad’s checkbook and mom’s cooking” is because dad’s check-book and mom’s cooking continue to be available to them, at the same time they’re being told (by media, by advertising, by their peers, by their churches), “you’re not ready to be an adult yet.” seriously, show me a church where a 20 year old can have a significant role OTHER than children’s or youth ministry, or playing an instrument or singing? sure, there are rare exceptions; but they’re few and far between.
@casey — actually, i’ve read more from psychologists than from sociologists. and, yes, the medical research of the last 10 years (since the invention of the MRI) has shown that brains aren’t fully developed until about age 25. those findings (and implications of them) was a major part of what shifted my thinking several years ago. but there are some HUGE assumptions underlying all that stuff, that i’m now questioning: the biggest of which is the assumption that this is how brains always have been (nature). it’s a chicken v egg thing. and, i’m starting to believe, it’s more a result of nurture than nature.
@scott — i’m not with you on this part of your comment: “Whether they are right or wrong, I do not believe that part has ever changed. I believe whatever they see, has always been.”
there’s no indication in the research findings on teen (and young adult) brains to conclude “this is the way it’s always been”, and there’s plenty of sociological and historical observable stuff to raise the hypothesis that “this is NOT the way it’s always been.”
i’m with you on the rest of your comment, fwiw
I love where this is headed. Just last week I was talking with a high school teacher and we were amazed at what teenagers can do, when we give them opportunity, resources, guidance – as opposed to limitations and low expectations.
There would be a radical opportunity for the church – to be a radical organization that gives the young some real adult opportunities!
@daryl — a big YES to this: “Maybe we would be better off if churches were open to risk, bad decisions, and mistakes. Imagine if our churches were considered an adventure where people grew and learned together.” a group of youth workers i was meeting with recently had a very interesting conversation about how our churches can become “environments that embrace failure”, which i thought was wonderful and provocative language.
I’m starting a new ministry called, “Sail your way to adulthood.” To complete the program the young man or woman just needs to sail solo around the globe. We’re going to sell the television rights to ABC Family. :)
You’re on the right track. Humbly speaking, and I’ve been wrong before: We need to blow the whole thing up. And it starts as babies and toddlers, certainly children and teens. Give them chores and responsibilities. That’s God’s intention. And let them have relationships with the adults. This is counter-intuitive in the world’s kingdom, and big business wants 35-year olds with x-boxes (or whatever the relevant word is here) and 55-year olds watching SportsCenter. Eternal adolescence makes money! But we serve God and His kingdom. In the missional camp (i.e. Frost and Hirsch) the word tossed around is “communitas” to suggest that a Christian community needs dangerous collective trials (the Bible – indeed all of creation – is filled with dangerous tribes), and perhaps a good start in the mainstream church is putting everyone to work in the church building youth program. But I would go further, doing more multi-generational gathering; and getting out of the church and serving the world. I realize none of this is easy, it makes people uncomfortable, requires conferences with your litigation consultants, and is not good for church business per se; but we’re following a dangerous Jesus. Hence I would agree with Scot McKnight who said on a recent interview on the Origins Project site that mission is the key for youth going forward. Here I’m talking about teens – let alone young adults! Thanks Marko. Praise to God and his glory.
Strictly talking leadership… What is better anyways for a 15 year old? A person who is 22 or 42. Talking leadership there is a large divide between what 22 offers and what 42 offers. Appreciate that you are wrestling with this issue.
Marko–I agree with you. I was a youth minister for 26 years before I began teaching youth ministry at a Christian University. In one of the classes I teach-Child and Adolescent Psychology-I talk about this brain development issue. And the issue has a couple of things to consider. It is true, in most teens the prefrontal cortex (judgment center) is not fully coordinated, the neurons are there but not fully coordinated. But the brain is “plastic”–always developing. Much of development is based on use. The more you use various parts the more developed those parts become…for example, when you practice catching a ball, you usually become better at catching due to neurons becoming more coordinated and making more “connections” in various parts of the brain. So why wouldn’t the neurons in the prefrontal cortex not become more coordinated with more use? I contend we can help our adolescents develop the judgment center of the brain by training them and giving them responsibilities that require them to use the neurons in the prefrontal cortex.
I think two things:
Thing 1: No one is going to grow up until they get significant responsibilities, so give them responsibilities.
Thing 2: Mean it.
I’m stoked that Epstein is coming to the cohort. I better really read up :) I’m also excited about declaring war on adolescents in our ministry this year. Sarah and I have already started dreaming about this for high school and college in specific.
Brian, there’s a big difference between declaring war on adolescents and declaring war on adolescence, and I’m hoping you mean the latter. :)
In my experience in youth ministry thus far, I have found that young adults are very capable of stepping up and serving as peer leaders in the youth group. Its a matter of discipleship. I work with my church’s youth and family group which is multi-generational and has peer leaders at every level. Its amazing to see what they are capable of if you really invest your time in developing them as leaders. Like Daryl mentioned, give them responsibilities and hold them accountable. One of our youth leaders is a young man taking a year off of school before heading to college in the fall and he has already done lessons for the youth and family group, lead small group bible studies, and has even done some peer counseling for some of the guys in the group that are struggling with various issues. We’re going to be losing him in August as he heads off to Georgia for college but we’ve already started working with two high school juniors. They’ve already taught a lesson for a small group and for the entire youth group. Currently, I am meeting with them once a week to discuss a book called Disciplines of a Godly Man and its amazing to see how they are growing. We also have young men and women in nearly every age group that have emerged as leaders and its exciting to see God working in their lives and growing them into strong, Godly, young leaders.
Great thoughts everyone, thanks for the conversation. I hope we can all achieve a both/and scenario: Let’s have leadership from the graybeards as well as the young adults. Give the youth relationships with elders who have wisdom and perspective that comes only with age; and 20-somethings have generational proximity to teens. And let’s also give teens the ability to mentor children.
ironic/intriguing post in light of the E3 convention taking place
I think, I’ll go play some online RPG’s in my parent’s basement now…”Mom, can you make me some PBJ’s…yeah, cut the crust off and make them look like rocket ships”
the checkbook still be available comment above hits the nail on the head
My thoughts exactly TC. The older should be teaching the younger at every level.
interesting thoughts – I have been looking at this same picture from a different perspective – that we have many 30 year old “boys” rather than young men… I have always thought this was due to a lack of true “fathering.” So many have parents who came of age during the 60s and the generation of free everything… then these folks had kids and didn’t “train them up,” and now their kids are the moms and dads to the adolescents of today… no one modeled correctly for them so they don’t know how, so now we have these 30 year olds who don’t know how to be men…
I agree with your direction on adolescence being more nurture than nature. Most homeschool kids I know seem to have a much shorter span of “adolescence” and become a “fully contributing member of society” much sooner than most.
Wow Tim. You must hang with a different group of homeschoolers than I’ve ever got connected with. I’m glad thats the case… just so far from my experience.
@Tim & Adam, I think many in the homeschool crowd are advanced in terms of maturity related to studying and navigating many aspects of the adult world, but are generally behind the curve in terms of socialization. Which actually seems to bring support to what Marko’s suggesting here, that we can, through purposeful, deliberate decisions, guide adolescents into libing responsibly. Most homeschooler’s have been removed from social spaces that would allow a socialization that connects them to the average experience while having an accelerated course of study and often given other responsibilities. Basically I’m saying that I sort of agree with both of you.
@Marko – great stuff here. I actually ordered Epstein’s book a month ago and it’s sitting on my desk waiting for my semester of grad school to finish so I’ll have time for personal reading again. I’m looking forward into drilling into it. It does seem, from some of the reviews and discussions that I’ve read, that Epstein seems to pendulum the discussion back in the other direction, with his Teenage Bill of Rights that makes some pretty controversial statements. One of the primary things that I’ve been learning in the last year is the challenge of living in tension. Usually one side or the other side isn’t the best choice, but an amalgamation of both provides a new, exciting, though challenging space to live in. On a larger scale we live this out in the Kingdom every day with the whole idea of “now and not yet”. It seems in the adolescent conversation that we must take up residence in the middle ground, not of convenience or apathy, but of a willingness to realize both the reality of where culture currently has adolescence and the brain development dilemmas presented in recent research, as well as to spur our emerging adults to real areas of responsibility and action.
I’ve been repeating often the 4 areas that we discussed to help adolescents navigate adolescence well: sleep, food, exercise and consequences/responsibility for actions. It seems that last of those areas has a lot of impact on this conversation.
I personally like a good mix in MS leadership. My leader base shifted a little to the college age, and I am currently looking for more parent/adult leaders to fill in the gaps. Hopefully with a good mix, there will be an organic nurture along with nature. Also, HS students and college students have seemed to find no place to serve in the normal church leadership functions. Maybe if we raise the bar, we will see young leaders sustaining the church as a whole.
I currently have a recently graduated HS student serving as an intern to gain some ministry experience before he heads off to Bible College. It is already my experience that as I have treated him as an adult, the result has been positive. Does the occassional “immaturity” show up? Absolutely. However, instead of isolating him in fear of these “moments”, I think we can capitalize on them and use them as coaching opportunities!
Is Discipleship simply relegated to Bible lessons or could it be life lessons as well.
Thanks for talking about a subject that many don’t want to discuss. Thanks for your transparency as well.
David Kennedy
Thank you for this article. 15 years ago as a youth minister I was concerned about our high attrition between High School and College age, so I worked hard to build a segregated college ministry. It “worked,” we ended our attrition problems. until four years later when they graduated from the college program and they disappeared. We hadn’t ended attrition, we had postponed it. They left because I had done nothing to make them ready for adulthood, and I wasn’t ready to create a new segregated program for the late 20′s crowd.
After five years of this I radically changed my strategy. Instead of building new programs to hang on to older adolescents, I starting removing programs from my youth program. If they were old enough for adult mission trips (16 in our case) then I sent them on adult mission trips. If they were ready for adult bands them we sent them to be a part of the regular rotation. At every possible point, I tried to slowly limit the duplication between the youth program and the rest of the church so that by the time a student graduated, they already had major connections of service, study and socialization with the adult church. It is hard to drift away after graduation when you are already on the adult band rotation or already attending a small group that is half adults.
This killed our college ministry of course. But that was great. We still had social events for that age group and we had one Sunday School class for those who hadn’t yet gotten on board and for the many who had moved to the area for college and hadn’t been in youth groups that focused on transitioning to adulthood. But even this class was designed by me to be transitional. I taught a two year rotation of materials so that it would not make sense to be there all four years.
Finally another change we made was to explicitly talk to the senior high youth group about my goal to make them ready for the adult culture in 4 years and I talked a lot to the broader church about the importance of them including 16+ year-old members as full members. They could serve on committees with real responsibilities etc. It was a church wide commitment to challenge people to become adults.
Thanks for using your platform to bring up the challenge to our culture both inside and outside the church.
Wow. Very helpful and encouraging information. We’re plugging in some just-graduated-college students, and some local-college-students in with our youth ministry this fall. These are young adults who have been very active within our congregation since preschool.
My concern, after reading your article marko, is that our church seems to be able to get young adults involved and responsible (with awesome results) so easily and (here enters the problem) we can’t get that with our older adults and parents. Well, especially parents.
I’m a new parent (first child, 6 months old). I’m getting a glimpse of what it is like to have multiple children in school and sports and band. I’ve seen a dramatic drop in leadership roles assumed by parents. DRAMATIC. I see them plugged in to our council, altar guild, quilters, men’s breakfast group, and serving during worship. Outside of that we are seeing younger and young adults working with our children and students.
So my QUESTION is, what can we do to get older adults and parents involved to help/come-alongside these young adults who are taking on the responsibilities in areas where older adults just AREN’T committing themselves?
Marko,
I appreciate the intentionality you put behind a topic like this and others revolving around human development and implications for ministry. Your thinking prompts me to explore different ideas as they intermingle with developmental issues.
The most potent comment of your post was in your point about how many 18-21 year olds seem to skip or side-step the extended adolescence stage. You said, “what is required? in short: meaningful responsibility and expectation.” I think you hit the nail on the head here. Everything you mentioned comes back to empowerment and equipping of leaders.
I am a 22 year old recent college graduate who has been hired at a church as the middle school youth pastor. I have felt a calling to middle school ministry for years and spent my college years studying, reading, and experiencing hands-on middle school ministry in preparation for an opportunity like this job I have recently begun. I come with full humility to this position, recognizing that I still have much to learn and a lot of wisdom to gain. However, the reason I am confident to take this position as a 22 year-old is because of the “meaningful responsibility and expectation” given to me at my former church where I volunteered with the middle school for 4 years. There was intentional MENTORING and follow-up. The leadership empowered me and left me room to make mistakes so I could learn. Was there risk on their part? Absolutely. But I am able to confidently take a position as a middle school pastor because of their willingness to give me MORE, not LESS, responsibility.
Granted, this is an isolated experience about which I am biased, but I don’t think I am the exception. I think 18-21 year olds are eager to learn and be mentored in ministry. Where does brain development come in? As one person already commented, the brain is plastic, and is therefore moldable, in a sense. Some research indicates a person reaches the peak of cognitive development at age 25. The years before this age, then, are pivotal for formation. Paul and Timothy had one such relationship where Paul intentionally mentored and walked Timothy through what it looks like to be a part of Kingdom-work. And what did he say after he let him go on his own? “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young.”
As a 22-year-old middle school pastor, I am glad people empowered and equipped me for ministry instead of “waiting” until I was older. Again, I say this with humility, knowing I have so much to learn and so much wisdom to gain from my mentors. But I know I will never relegate any 18-21 year old to a lesser position of leadership simply because he or she may or may not make a bad decision once in a while.
I’m very interest in the connection between the volunteer service of the young adults and their advancement to adulthood. do you think that the “sharpness” (is it fair to say higher maturity level?) of the young adults helping lead that middle school group is what led them to volunteer ministry, or primarily a result of their ministry? It seems much can be said about how service aids in adult development, but what if there a certain level of adult tendencies are necessary to volunteer in the first place?
love this topic
Marko–I love this. You know we’ve been in youth ministry since 1981. Our kids are now in college and in 7th grade. I am amazed at how our girls fend for themselves, and even more amazed when I learn that kids their age are just now doing their own laundry. West (7th grade) does his own laundry! He fixes the flats on his tire, he buys the intertubes with his own money. Our oldest doesn’t want us to give her money, she would rather earn it and spend it herself.
We recently visited friends that we hadn’t seen for years. The parents micro-managed everything. The kids didn’t trust themselves to make a decision. It then dawned on me that we have given our kids the ability to mature without me being very aware of it. I’m so thankful. (John really is the great parent between the two of us.)
Our society, In an effort to parent in a way that keeps our kids from “making the same mistakes I did” have taken responsibility from them. We have to have contact with them via cell phone constantly. Why?
I was also extremely encouraged by our new college freshmen at church as they entered into jr. high staff at Calvary. They are awesome. I have seen them step in while the youth pastors were at camp, or on a missions trip, and they have rocked it. Great leadership skills and great maturity. It is so refreshing.
John and I are now working with mentoring the Jr. High staff. Can’t wait!
Marko-
I love this (and I sound like my mom). I am living right in the middle of that 18-21 year gap and I can tell you that when some one who is older than me treats me like an adult, I feel like an adult and it makes me feel confident in who I am as an adult.
I spent last year working with middle schoolers at my church which was a challenging and fun experience. It is difficult when you want to hang out with your fellow staff members but you know you should take responsibility and say “no, I’m not here for myself, I’m here for these kids and if that means I have to walk into a group that I don’t know or talk about things I don’t have a huge intrest in, or make myself look ridiculous then so be it.” All through middle school and high school in youth ministry the students are the ones being catered too-it’s easy for us. It was not until the roles were reversed that I realized how hard student ministry can be.
I wish that I was given more opportunities when I was 17 to learn how to be responsible and be a good leader/adult. I think that there are plenty of talented and willing students who want to step up, but most don’t know how and are to intimidated to say anything. They aren’t willing to do hard things.