a list, from mcsweeney’s, as printed in the book mountain man dance moves, and read on my sony reader ebook…

a list of actual quotes taken from the directions and mission statements of organic products belonging to my vegan roommate
by kate brown

“for us, it’s about a deep respect for the herbs we share with you.”

“may each cup bring us in touch with our inner faith, and may its authentic flavors remind us of the wisdom of Ganesha.”

“with this, every human being created on God’s spaceship earth can evolve united.”

“discontinue use if rash or irritation occurs.”

“migratory waterfowl: not only are the majestic flocks beautiful to behold, they provide natural fertilizer.”

“help unite mankind, or we’re wandering clowns!”

“the present never ages. each moment is like a snowflake.”

“persons with allergies to the daisy family may be sensitive.”

“don’t drink soap! dilute! dilute! okay!”

“this statement has not been evaluated by the food and drug administration.”