***********

1. Tried to chaperone 22 boys (including one with a physical disability) by myself at a five day residential camp after all my other male chaperones cancelled out at the last minute.
2. Went on many float trips and pool outings with large groups of teens before I learned to swim at age 40.
3. Left a seventh grader at a mall and didn’t realize he was missing till we got back to church. His mom (and also a youth Sunday School teacher) still gives me a bad time about it.
4. Made an impassioned speech about not being late for a 4 AM departure the night before leaving on a mission trip. Guess who forgot to set their alarm and was late?
5. At 57, still doing youth ministry and reaching teens for Christ.
(from jerry)

marko rating: 1 – 4 = stupid; 5 = awesome

***********

1) Raced vans on the beaches of Texas during a mission trip – it was myself vs and elder of the church (who was also a dad of 2 of the students) – we got the vans up to 65 miles an hour on the beach with 10 students in each van.
2) Made it rain 900 gumballs on kids at a movie night featuring the movie “Bedtime Stories” – a few got hurt.
3) Filled the executive pastors office with 144 beach balls after a beach ball game at youth group.
4) Played noodle tag in the sanctuary (Presbyterian Church)
5) Credit to this next one goes to the students… They played a game of “Buck-Buck” in the terninal of the Houston Airport. they drew a big crowd.
(from john)

marko rating: 1 = stupid; 2 = crazy and a little stupid; 3 = crazy; 4 = crazy; 5 = crazy

***********

While at a Sr. High retreat, some of the boys (with my husband, the youth pastor) went to the White Castle across the street. This was after our curfew to be in the rooms. They purchased 2 Crave Cases (30 in each crave case) – between 4 of them. They ate a lot of them but couldn’t finish. So they just left them in the cases. In the morning they got up, heated them up with the blow dryer and ate them………….the smell in their room, on the bus and at our sessions was unexplainable! Of course you have to understand what White Castle is to appreciate this story!! (from shelly)

marko rating = crazy, but awesome. loves me some white castles, baby.

***********

Led a group of jr-highers into the woods close to a spring in Florida on a campout. Wanted to get them where it was nearly complete silence and near total darkness for a devotional experience. Led them on a boardwalk with no rails. No one fell. But why stupid? I didn’t check if it was legal or not, and there are gators galore. The park ranger heard us, yelled at our entire group from across the spring, and sent us back to the camp site with a good tongue lashing. Another ranger: “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but with the gators around here, I don’t want you to end up demonstrating the ‘Jonah and the whale’ story!” Dumb. (from james)

marko rating: i’m with you, james — stupid.

***********

I had just gotten a new car (Subaru Outback) with a roof rack. We are driving on a back mountain trail when one of the kids asked to ride on the roof. I thought it would be fun, after all they had something to hold on to. So I had kids on the roof while driving between a giant dropoff and a large rock wall, narrow paths and trees. Of course, we had to have more fun so the one on the roof got to deal with windshield washer coming their way. Fortunately the worst that happened was I got a flat tire, and a dent in the back of my roof. Thankfully, I had some parents full of grace who very gently and sternly told me to never ever do it again. (from tim)

marko rating: stupid is as stupid does.

***********

We’ve laughed for years about the time I led a group of teens into the ostrich pen at the farm of a family that was hosting us on our missions trip in Duluth, MN. The first time we went into the pen it freaked us all out and we ran out screaming like a bunch of girls…so naturally we decided to do it again. Only this time, the student right in front of me locked the door behnd himself on the way out, trapping me and one other boy in the barn with this 10 foot bird. The ostrich cornered us and started hissing and pecking on our heads, so I, being taller, held his neck back. The students outside the pen wanted a picture of our plight, so they opened the door… I saw a way out, so I ditched the student and ran for the door. I made it, but the ostrich stepped in front of the boy blocking his path, then raised his wings and started beating the student. He shoved the bird back, which thoroughly hacked off the ostrich who then kicked him in the shin and put a huge gash in his leg. The next thing we knew the student busted the door down running out of the barn. Our hosts about flipped out and told us they only go in there with these Roman Style plexiglass shields and these 10 foot poles to keep these birds at bay. For years after that I carried an osrtich beanie baby with me in my back pack to remind me that I am in charge, and as such, should be a better decision maker and leader…but it sure is fun to laugh about it now! (from joe)

marko rating: ok, this one gets both a ‘crazy’ AND a ‘stupid’. going into the ostrich pen in the first place = crazy. everything after that = stupid. fantastic story, though!

CONTENDERS

Rob
Posted every year on Youth Sunday…

Patty J
St. Matthew the Apathetic launches its new membership campaign

Mandy
“Explanations are for when you get home and your wife has questions about the sermon. 1 Corinthians 14:33-35.”

Calvin
Like sex, movies, and Shakespeare, First Baptist realized too much talking can ruin the experience.

Andrew Seely
(not shown – sign below)
“please see note nailed to our front door”

Gman
Mark Riddle’s latest Book title.
note from marko: while very insider-ish, this one is drop-dead hilarious, and will be very hard to beat!

Aaron E Elmore
Let people figure out how to handle the snakes on their own…

Othy
The people of Explanatia were appalled at the church’s blatant discrimination.

and the winner is…
holy cow — i suck. between cramming to get stuff done before leaving town, then flying to north carolina, i spaced on picking a winner. contenders, please accept my apologies! were it not for calvin calling me out on a tweet, i may have forgotten about this for days more. and, for that, calvin gets 2nd place!

i thought gman’s comment was going to be impossible to beat; but othy’s late entry slipped past into first!

The people of Explanatia were appalled at the church’s blatant discrimination.

here’s the pic from fail blog:

questions this brings to mind:

1. what do the 6th – 8th grade guys who attend there think of the name of their school? do ANY of them think it’s funny, or are they all in horror?
2. has anyone ever seriously considered changing the name?
3. are there any remaining school board members from when the school’s name was originally approved? if so, they should be kicked off, immediately.
4. is anyone else seriously tempted to order a t-shirt or sweatshirt?
5. the school mascot is the “raiders”. compensating for something?
6. wouldn’t one of my readers has to have a better suggestion for a mascot than “raiders”?

CONTENDERS

Benjer
Maybe for next year’s junior high mission trip we should put a little more effort into planning our “free day” activity.

Rob
VBS before PETA… yeah, it really was an adventure…

chad
“You see, Doreen? It’s just like Shannon and Beth’s ponies, except it can EAT their ponies!”

Tom Seward
Mary had a little lamb,
Freddy had a pup,
Suzy had a crocodile
it ate the others up

Jennifer
Being the youth pastor’s daughter meant having to test out all the new ideas for youth-group games.

Andrew Seely
next slide… doreen rides a porcupine with not so great results

Phil
It’s OK, she’s the senior pastors kid!

and, a day earlier than i normally close these babies down and call a winner, since i’m leaving for a vacation this morning… it’s time:
we have a weiner

i woulda given it to rob if he’s stopped with “VBS before PETA” (sometimes shorter is better!). so i’m going with jennifer’s “Being the youth pastor’s daughter meant having to test out all the new ideas for youth-group games.” (though it would have been even stronger as “Being the youth pastor’s daughter meant Doreen had to test out all the new ideas for youth-group games.”

oh, and an honorable mention to tom seward, who all the way over in africa (mali?), wrote that cute little poem!

*************

my friend mark aardsma has developed a slick little iphone app called ‘time audit‘. it’s a time-tracking app; but it’s for more than just “billable hours” or something like that, because you choose not only a ‘how i spent my time’ option, but also a ‘why’ option. the resulting metrics can provide interesting data for how your life aligns with what you want it to be about!

(btw: mark’s other two companies might be interesting to church leaders and youth workers: ats acoustics sells pre-made and you-make acoustic panels for recording spaces and other spaces with sound-baffling needs (can you say “youth group room”?), and their prices are WAY below anyone else; and ats rentals rents out video projectors (and other a.v. equipment) in a super-easy ‘shipped to where you need it’ carton. easy-breezy, lemon-squeezy. i wish i had 25% of mark’s entrepreneurial savvy.)

*************

i thought this l.a.times article was an interesting reflection on the recent lebron james bruhaha. instead of commentary about what he should have or shouldn’t have done, it’s commentary about how lebron’s choice is in step with the values of the millennial generation he’s a part of. a snippet:

…But his move simply puts him in step with others of his generation. If younger workers have displayed anything as employees, it’s that they prize mobility more than they do fidelity to their employers

the newest dangerous trend amongst teenagers: my first uke post, after exposure to the tiny troublemaker at a youth camp.
clarifying my ukulele position: pretty much what it says it is.
no ukes: the t-shirt i inspired!
rock that uke: an extremely snarky post reviewing a dvd about ukes and uke players. this one got some very angry responses from uke afficianados.

but, alas, i have matured. or i have been worn down. or i’ve seen the light. or something.

i’ve also been a fan of the little indie pop-punk band wheatus for some time now. so, when i discovered this video of the ukulele orchestra of great britain playing the only wheatus song that ever got radio play – teenage dirtbag – i felt my internal ukulele tectonic plates shift. an internal uke earthquake, resulting in a uke-tsunami of enjoyment.

so, here, without a hint of malice or even a tiny uke-string of snarkiness, i present this gem for your uke-sumption:

It is our company’s policy that the products we sell be purchased for married couples only. As explained in the book of Genesis, God created woman from man’s flesh and bone to be his companion. In so doing, he illustrated that in marriage man and woman symbolically become one flesh. A common theme throughout the Bible is sexual purity. One example of this can be found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, “For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor.” We want to encourage God’s plan for people to remain sexually pure, that is why we offer our products to married couples only.

so, there. oh, and it’s called book22 (get it? song of solomon is the 22nd book of the bible!)

CONTENDERS

pberry
Bank of America employees contemplate their Halloween after-party options.

Jessica
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!”

rick
“Yes, Frank, I heard what she said. I am looking it up on Urban Dictionary right now… let’s see here, Plushenked? Plushenko? Plushgun? OK, here it is… Plushie…”

dave
what, a cat can’t use an atm in arizona?

Andrew Seely
The remake of Point Break went horribly wrong when they could no longer find president masks.

Chris Saulnier
“Don’t taze me bro”

Rob
“I already told you, I’m not a flasher. I walked up to teller and she said, ‘Please insert your ATM card. Strip down, facing me…’ And so I did…”

Jeff Moulton
I knew I should have chosen a different costume … who knew there would be another cop?

Mark
Yes, yes. That’s right. I’m the new super villain, Kitty Galore.

Chris Holohan
Hey Frank, check it out. Now we can do multi-check deposits.

and the winner is…
let’s try this again. i wrote this part, naming a winner, days ago. but i must not have saved it correctly or something.
so, a tough choice again this time, with a few that caused me to make “out loud noises” when i first read them (my original “contender qualifier”, in the early days of these posts; but i decided there were too many snarky and brilliant captions that didn’t produce an outloud response, that i need to modify that rule).

but, i’m gonna go with dave’s creative, political humor in “what? a cat can’t use an atm in arizona?” professional grade there, dave. you should be in marketing. we raise a glass o’ sumpin’ to thee.

if you’ve ever driven past the “king of kings” statue — 62 feet tall! one of the 10 largest statues in the u.s. — at solid rock church, off the i-75, just outside of cincinnatti, you’ve likely almost gotten in an accident. the thing is massive. sometimes called “touchdown jesus” by locals; and, at other times, “big butter jesus” (because of the yellow, butter-like appearance), or “drowning jesus” (for it’s edge of the lake placement and “someone throw me a life preserver” vibe).

well, the thing was… wait for it… struck by lightening the other night! the subsequent fireball burned the entire thing down, leaving only its steel skeleton (i kinda like the skeleton by itself — it’s like a modern art touchdown jesus).

even if you’re not a “wrath of god” junkie, this story is seriously enticing. i mean, it might even draw out an “i hope it was the wrath of god” from some! whatever the cause — divine or not — the church has already promised to rebuild it. makes you wonder where and when the next bolt will strike.