one of my fondest memories of teaching middle schoolers was the annual “film festival” we ran with our small groups at one of my churches. each small group would have a month to make a film, based on list of suggested bible stories. they could tell the story faithfully, modernize it, or pull out some point and base the film around that. then, we’d have an awards night where we’d screen them all and give out massive quantities of awards.

so often, we think middle schoolers are only capable of “receiving” when it comes to teaching. but the learning goes up exponentially when they’re actually involved.

take this example:

our middle school ministry at my church is doing on a series on old testament prophets during our sunday morning teaching time. each of the small groups was invited (though it was optional) to take a week and do with it whatever they wanted. my small group of 6th grade guys took a week; but it’s lucky i have an awesome co-leader who steered that boat, since i was out of town.

i’m more familiar with what the 8th grade guys group did, because my son max is in that group. max’s group taught on Amos. and i can tell you this: as a result, max knows more, and will remember more, about amos than he does about any other old testament prophet.

the guys studied the book together, pulled out themes, narrowed it to one (living what you believe), and parsed out various teaching bits. max taught for about 5 minutes in the “so what?” section of the lesson, sharing a personal story, and pointing out the main theme, as well as providing some suggestions for how others might apply it. he came to me the day before he taught, asking if he could practice in front of me and get my suggestions. i only had one minor suggestion, and he incorporated it really well.

not all the guys were up front. but they were all involved in front of or behind the camera in a video they made (thanks to the expert leadership of their small group leader, ian robertson, who used to be the video guy at YS, and is still a professional videographer, and also the husband of our middle school pastor). in the video — The Ghost of Amos — max plays amos. yup. that’s my boy.

while digging up my old (2006!) post of top 10 annoyances of living in a thomas kinkade custom home, i stumbled on two likewise old posts, based on a news article i read (alas, the link is dead, so i can’t point to it anymore) about a subdivision in development (again, in 2006) that was only for christians. yesterday, i reposted my list of the top 10 annoyances of living in this subdivision; and today, with tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek, i give you…

the top 10 benefits of living in a christian subdivision

10. no political signs on lawns, since everyone votes the same.

9. the only homo here is homogeneity.

8. zero pressure to witness.

7. mormon and jehovah’s witness doorbell ringers are swallowed up by mysterious sidewalk-crack-of-turin.

6. one school for every home (because they’re right there in the homes!)

5. your best lawn now.

4. the potential of being featured in a michael moore documentary.

3. no lawnmowers waking you up on sunday mornings.

2. cool signs that say “caution! children being raptured!”

and #1: purpose-driven curbs.

while digging up my old (2006!) post of top 10 annoyances of living in a thomas kinkade custom home, i stumbled on two likewise old posts, based on a news article i read (alas, the link is dead, so i can’t point to it anymore) about a subdivision in development (again, in 2006) that was only for christians. tomorrow, i’ll repost my list of the top 10 benefits of living in this subdivision; and today, with tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek, i give you…

the top 10 annoyances of living in a christian subdivision

10. constant presence of rainbow steals the wonder from your kids’ souls.

9. burning rage develops at the sheer quantity of fish on cars.

8. the idiots who live on ark street all stupidly think they have to have two pets.

7. mystery casseroles at hoa parties.

6. fines for not smiling.

5. fear of a michael moore documentary.

4. inability to identify the obviously rebellious teenager who keeps nailing stuffed animals on the cross in the park (though it’s probably that darn goth kid).

3. community movie nights are always “left behind” movie, with never-ending encouragement to “bring your unsaved friends!”.

2. no salt allowed.

and #1: nagging sense that this might just be hell.

yeah, you probably heard that self-described “painter of light” (i thought that was rembrandt, btw) thomas kinkade died a few weeks back. made me think of some old posts i wrote a LONG time ago, when i’d heard there were plans afoot to build thomas kinkade custom homes ($4 – $6 million!).

this is one of those lame posts that might not have made anyone else laugh, but totally humored me as i wrote it, and as i read it again now!

so, with respect to t.k., i give you…

TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN A THOMAS KINKADE HOME
by marko

10. everything is fuzzy, all the time. please, some crispness.

9. lamp posts are fun on mainstreet disney, and quaint in parts of london, but get really old in your front yard.

8. constant flow of tourists who think jesus lives in your house.

7. those TBN tour busses are always stopping in front of the house, blocking the view of the faux covered bridge.

6. the animatronic ducks have to be reset everytime there’s a power outage.

5. village ccr’s require kinkade quote “in ‘lakeside manor’, first in my mansions in paradise series, i attempted to create a mansion truly worthy of a paradise, whether earthly or heavenly” printed on door mat.

4. requirement that all your coasters, tapestries, checks, tea cozies, mugs, throw pillows, bible covers and various other household items be “kinkade only”.

3. discovering that the stone bridge over your private stream is only styrofoam and won’t even hold the weight of your bichon frise.

2. third-world laborers claim rights to portions of your house in massive class-action lawsuit.

1. sleep becomes impossible with constant flow of yellowish light in every room. and the electricity bill? oof!

and a bonus…

0. rembrandt, the real painter of light, awakes from his deep slumber and is extremely ticked — begins sending you daily threatening emails.

ok, there’s just so much going on in our wee company, it’s hard for me to discipline myself to not post about my excitement over this or that every day.

so, as further prevention from “all cartel posts, all the time,” allow me to update you and remind you on a few things that are just the bomb:

EVENTS

The Youth Cartel is doing three events this year, and two of ‘em are brand new:

• the middle school ministry campference is in its second year. we have a great line-up (including tic long!); but the line-up isn’t really the reason to come. the reason to come is that, if you’re in JH or middle school ministry, this is the one place where you can really spend three days with your tribe. i’ve never been a part of an event where every single person who attends could offer a raving endorsement. the MSMC is in seymour, indiana, october 26 – 28.
• the summit is the youth cartel’s new flagship event. i’ve been dreaming about this for two years or more, and with adam joining me, we’ve been able to turn the dream into a reality. but, seriously, it’s already surpassed my expectations, and it’s still 6 months away. the presenter line-up blows my mind. this is the event i would attend even if i had nothing to do with creating it. join us in atlanta, november 9 and 10 (btw: the first 100 who register get MAJOR bonus swag).
• finally, adam has been dreaming of a grassroots, organic youth ministry event where anyone can speak. talk about leveling the playing field and acknowledging that we’re all in this together! that’s what Open is all about. our first Open is Open Seattle, on october 6. the second location is a doosy! (stay tuned)

COACHING

with 6 cohorts of 10 youth workers each either completed or in progress, i continue to find the youth ministry coaching program to be my most deeply satisfying days, other than time with my family. we’ve opened 5 cohorts for later this year (or whenever they fill), and are deep into conversations with 3 denominational groups about cohorts specific to their tribe. oh, and we’ve just begun conversations about a possible new zealand cohort! ha!

here’s another quote, from current participant sam halverson:

The YMCP is the single most helpful resource I’ve found in over 30 years of professional youth ministry. While conventions, workshops, and seminars are influential and necessary, the Youth Ministry Coaching Program is a much more personal and personable resource for anyone wishing to understand and struggle with the ins and outs of professional ministry. The spiritual direction, values assessments, readings, discussions, personal sharing, and presence-minded shepherding led by Mark Oestreicher encompass all parts of life – not just youth ministry.

CONSULTING

we’ve had a blast this year partnering with organizations and ministries as diverse as biblica, dougfields.com, urban youth worker’s institute, tyndale publishers, and about a dozen others.

PUBLISHING, AGENTING and WRITING

already in 2012, i’ve been stoked about the release of The Way bible and A Beautiful Mess. I have 6 more books coming out with simply youth ministry over the next year (3 of which i’ve finished), and i’m working on two versions of an ebook that The Youth Cartel will publish.

adam published his first book, with jon huckins, through The Youth Cartel’s own brand: good news in the neighborhood.

i’ve been stoked about working with a few great authors to help them find publishers for their books, finalizing deals for lars rood, jeff goins, and len kageler.

and The Youth Cartel is throwing in hard on publishing through our own brand, with 7 projects signed. you’ll see these start to come out over the remaining months of this year.

oh, and i still love writing regular columns for Youthworker Journal and Youthwork (the UK magazine for youth workers), as well as occasional contributions to Immerse Journal and Group Magazine. Adam and i both write for Slant33.com.

ONLINE PRESENCE

our weekly Cartel Culture and YouTube You Can Use emails have been a great hit. in just 8 short months we have more than 1200 people receiving them.

we launched a free job bank on our website. and our facebook page, blog, and twitter feeds are all gaining traction.

SPEAKING

i still love speaking to teenagers and youth workers, and find my schedule regularly full with amazing opportunities (like, i’m leaving for london this morning, to speak at the Youthwork Summit).

yup, we’re busy little beavers, and we’re having the time of our lives. thanks to all of you who have been so supportive of us. we long to serve you well (and push you a little bit). We have three or four more sweet ideas in the hopper, if we can find the bandwidth to get them going!

i’ve posted about teenage brains more than once. there’s been an good amount of research on teenage brains in the past decade, thanks to the MRI. there’s also been an explosion of more popular articles that infer teenagers are the way they are because of their brains, and we shouldn’t expect them to… (make good decisions, exhibit wisdom, control impulses, set priorities, act responsibly, or any other of a long list of adult-like behaviors).

this has really started to tick me off.

but two articles in the last few months (neither is new) have pushed back a bit:

this article in the huffington post, called “the teenager brain: debunking the 5 biggest myths“.

and, a fascinating article that many of you have probably already seen, published in national geographic, suggesting an alternative (evolutionary) possibility of why teenage brains are weak in certain controls and functions.

the article mentions some of the unhelpful conclusions being drawn by others:

They act that way because their brains aren’t done! You can see it right there in the scans!

This view, as titles from the explosion of scientific papers and popular articles about the “teen brain” put it, presents adolescents as “works in progress” whose “immature brains” lead some to question whether they are in a state “akin to mental retardation.”

but it goes on to suggest an alternate view:

B. J. Casey, a neuroscientist at Weill Cornell Medical College who has spent nearly a decade applying brain and genetic studies to our understanding of adolescence, puts it, “We’re so used to seeing adolescence as a problem. But the more we learn about what really makes this period unique, the more adolescence starts to seem like a highly functional, even adaptive period. It’s exactly what you’d need to do the things you have to do then.”

here’s what rubs me (and i’m borrowing this from dr. robert epstein): there’s a not-so-subtle discrimination against teenagers, MASSIVELY feeding extended adolescence, in this age-old discriminatory equation –

presence of a particular physical characteristic
alongside, the presence of a real or assumed set of behavioral realities (or biases)
means, the first results in the second

let me remind of a few places we’ve seen this before:

1. women’s brains are smaller, on average, then men’s. for centuries we were sure that women did not have the intelligence for business, voting, public office, and a variety of other intelligent functions. the smaller size of women’s brains were PROOF!
2. jews and people of african decent were said to have certain character traits (or lack certain character traits) due to physiology (surely, you’ve all seen the nazi drawings of a typical jewish face and head, with an explanation as to how it explains the stereotype).

i think we’re seeing the same equation play out in terms of teenagers today.

the assumption is (and it’s a BIG leap in logic): teenage brains prove what we’ve always assumed, that teenagers are incapable of wisdom, good decisions, and responsibility. the obvious (!) next step is: we should treat teenagers like children (infantilization) and remove all responsibility, keeping them “safe.”

PISHAH!

youth workers, don’t tollerate this faulty logic. don’t tollerate this discrimination. let’s be counter-cultural on this stuff — let’s INCREASE responsibility and opportunities for wisdom and choices and prioritization and impulse control.

instead of discriminating against teenagers, let’s give them opportunities to be the apprentice adults they have the full capacity to be.

hey, i have an idea: how about i run a big ol’ blog contest where the winner gets a FREE copy of my brand-new book, A Beautiful Mess: What’s Right About Youth Ministry?

but, here’s the catch: you don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to enter, and everyone’s a winner!

i am quite pleased that the creative minds at simply youth ministry suggested we give away my book for two weeks (the downloadable versions). after these two weeks, it’ll cost you a few bucks, and you can also order a physical copy if you want. but for now, you can FREELY download a packet with a pdf, a .epub file for ipad, and a .mobi file for kindle.

how much does that rock? well, quite a bit of rockage, thank you very much.

here’s the skinny on the book: i was starting to sense a weariness in the youth workers i connect with, due to the barrage of “bad news” coming from people like me, as well as the research and books that have been telling us, in a sense, that we’re failing at our calling. i was stirred by a poignant moment i had at an event last year, where i felt i was complicating things, and stopped to try to encourage the good and faithful youth workers in that room (read that experience here, which shows up in the book also).

so, when SYM was asking me for book ideas, i suggested i write something about what’s going well in youth ministry.

at one point the book was called The Glass Half-Full — and that’s really the point of it. sure, there are some problems in youth ministry, and we can’t stick our heads in the sand. but there’s also lots of really wonderful stuff happening in churches all over the place. AND, the subtle notion that fixing what’s broken is completely within our power is, honestly, a bit arrogant and messiah-like.

so, that was the nexus of this baby. it’s not long — a quick read at about 10,000 words. easy, peasy.

here’s the back cover copy someone at SYM created (which summarizes the book very well):

When you think about the state of youth ministry today, are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you cheer or fear? Is the glass half full or half empty? In this honest, frank, blunt examination, veteran youth worker Mark Oestreicher offers a fresh perspective on what’s working in youth ministry today—and discovers that perhaps things aren’t as broken as some of us might have thought.

Theologically and anecdotally, we can uncover plenty of encouraging signs in the realm of youth ministry, according to Oestreicher, whose youth ministry experience includes time as an in-the-trenches youth worker and as a publisher of youth ministry books and resources. A Beautiful Mess features insights on the issues and opportunities facing youth workers, including the trend toward longevity in ministry, the power of smaller churches, the work of the Holy Spirit, the rewards of authentic relational ministry, the need for integration instead of isolation, and the centrality of faith and humility.

This book will help you experience the freedom of your calling, rather than the stress of expectations. You’ll discover an abundance of reasons to remain optimistic, intentional, and faithful as you engage in the lives of today’s teenagers.

so, get to it. download your free copy here!

last year, in my first nashville cohort of the youth ministry coaching program, i had a participant who was a little bit of an anomaly. he wasn’t a youth pastor (as most YMCPers are). instead, he was a ministry minded guy who happened to work for a short-term missions organization, trying to connect with youth workers. he boss paid for him to participate in YMCP for a combination of personal growth, and to get a better sense of the real needs of real youth pastors.

i hope we accomplished the 2nd of those goals. i know we saw the first one take place.

jeff goins is a gifted a brilliant leader, writer, and ministry mind. so i was thrilled to fantastic post on the value of coaching (really not about YMCP, but — c’mon — by inference, it is!)

—————–

Why You Need a Personal Coaching Program

We weren’t meant to do life alone. Without a good team — and a good coach — we’re left with little direction or guidance.

Many of us have believed the lie of the self-made man or woman. But in order for us to become our best selves, we need a quality support network to challenge, affirm, and empower us.

I just finished up my year of being a part of the Youth Ministry Coaching Program (YMCP). Although I’m not a vocational youth minister, Mark Oestreicher was kind enough to allow me to be a part of his cohort.

It was the best professional and personal development decision I’ve made in a long time. Maybe ever.

I thought I’d sit in a lot of long meetings that would be informative, but relatively boring. I should’ve known better.

I was blown away by times of teaching, prayer, and personal sharing. I connected with the other ten members of this group in ways that I’ve seldom done with other groups.

I made lifelong friends. I was encouraged to pursue my dreams and walk more confidently in my identity. Oh, and I learned a few cool things about youth culture and ministry.

Everyone should pursue some kind of professional coaching program. Here’s why:

Good coaching challenges you

This group called me out when I was wrong or asked more of me when they knew I was holding back.

I learned that I can be arrogant and dismissive from this group. I learned that I still need to grow in my inner life and that while I know a thing or two, I don’t know everything.

I was challenged to be humble, open, and honest with others who are different from me.

Good coaching affirms you

The first time we met, someone asked me what my dream was.

“I guess it’s to be a writer,” I said, questioning myself.

“That’s ridiculous,” someone said. “You already are a writer.”

I’m not a big sports guy. I was on the golf team in high school for a year and was in a lot of spelling bees. That’s the extent of athletic, competitive involvement.

When I did do anything remotely athletic, I sensed that the coach was embarrassed by me. In fact, he occasionally would say so. It made me never want to try. So I didn’t.

In this group, conversely, I learned to believe things about myself that were already true. And I started living into them. This blog is a direct result of my involvement in the YMCP. There’s no other way around it.

That’s what good coaching does.

Good coaching empowers you

Perhaps my favorite part about this group was the “confession” time.

Now, this is not what you may be thinking. Clear your mind of images of sitting in a dark cathedral confessing your sins to a disinterested priest.

Every time we met, we would circle up our chairs, look each other in the eyes, and whoever had something they wanted to talk about, they would share.

We shared triumphs and disasters in our lives. Sometimes, we gave each other advice. Other times, we shared a moment of silence together. Deep dark secrets were divulged, and beautiful healing happened.

This kind of openness allowed us to feel safe enough to begin making important changes in our lives. As a result, we did things we never would have dreamed of this year.

That’s what a good coaching group does. They help you do your job better by first changing you. I love how we did it — collaboratively and in community. It was powerful.

Your turn

If you can find something like the coaching program I did in your own town (or even if you have to travel far to find one), I heartily recommend doing it. It’s well worth any investment of time or money you spend.

————

btw: jeff has written a few excellent ebooks (and his first — also excellent — traditionally published book coming soon). his latest ebook, which i’m not sure would have become a reality were it not for YMCP, is a fantastic charge and practical steps for would-be writers, called “You Are a Writer: So Start Acting Like One.”

What do you regret in ministry?

I regret my years of acting with a complete lack of mercy, because I immaturely believed truth trumped mercy, and that God not spiritually gifting me with mercy was license to steamroll and brutalize all in the name “being honest”.

I regret my years and years of arrogance, particularly in my early years at Youth Specialties, where my sense that I was so special seduced me into cold-heartedness and dismissiveness with the very youth workers I was called to serve.

I regret every time I have gone on the warpath, calling out someone’s sinfulness or stubbornness or plain ol’ wrongness, only to find out that I had only heard half of the story. Particularly, even though it was years ago now, I regret calling a woman out on my blog (so stupid of me!), hurting her deeply, inaccurate in my assumptions about reality.

I regret rolling over and being the lap dog when my supervisor required me to lay off another employee who, while flawed like the rest of us, deserved better. And I regret that, in my soul numbness during those days, I didn’t do enough to truly celebrate or honor him.

I regret (ooh, this one is difficult to admit) all those times I subtly flirted with girls in my youth group, or played favorites with the teenagers I liked more (the ones who made me feel good about myself), or said something funny-but-hurtful to a teenager in order to get a laugh from others, or undermined parents, or made ministry all about me.

Argh. Really, I tend to be a chipper optimist who doesn’t live with much regret. But knowing I was going to write this post about regret, I thought it would be healthy to give a little heart and keyboard space to some ministry regrets. Those five paragraphs are what came out. Ack. Now I need a stiff drink, thank you very much.

Last year, I preached at my church on the subject of regret. Of course, the reality is: we all experience regret. Even God experiences regret (see Genesis 6:5-6). And since regret is a common experience, it makes sense that all of us youth workers will also have regrets about actions and inactions in our ministry lives.

There’s a funny tension here. Simply dismissing regret, which seems to be the pop-psychology soup du jour, is merely narcissism with a happy face. And it’s not, ultimately, helpful. Yet, being shackled by our regrets is a top goal of the evil one, since it’s the polar opposite of the life of freedom God made us for, and Christ saves us to.

So what should we do with our regrets?

First, I have to name them, with brutal honesty, and grieve the loss or hurt or pain or compromise they created. This is confessional stuff, and often requires asking for forgiveness. Paul writes, in 2 Corinthians 7, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.” Ah, yes, confession and repentance lead to freedom.

But there’s often a mess to clean up, the natural consequences of our actions or inactions. Sweeping those under the proverbial rug causes the regrets to linger around, often for years. Don’t confuse this for penance; but the freedom lovingly given us by a God who could have designed things otherwise has a necessary antecedent: consequences.

Finally, the failures of action or inaction that lead us to regret provide us – with the right mindset – the best learning lab in life. Maybe you’re not like me; but I learn exponentially more from my failures than I do from my victories. Of course, this requires a choice on my part, to turn over the rock in my soul and stare at the scary, squiggly things that live there. If I can face these nasties, I have an opportunity to learn. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, I put myself in the stream of transformation.

God doesn’t want me to live a life of regret. But I can’t pretend they don’t exist. I have to face them square on, and push into and through them, to the freedom offered on the other side.

yeah, let’s do this thing. time for a summer-y photo, man.

and how about a prize for the winner? yup. the best caption gets (ready for this?) a 20% discount for either the Middle School Ministry Campference, or The Summit, two of the events hosted by The Youth Cartel this fall. that’s kind of a big-deal prize (so i’m gonna have to say it’s ‘non-transferable’)!

whatcha got?

CONTENDERS

Lee Barnes
Eat mor fish…

Cindy Z
The day Sonshine Church decided to rethink “VBS Happy Trails.”
marko comment: fantastic!

jason
No, I swear I’m innocent! It was the other half! He was mooning people! You gotta believe me!!!

e. sutter
E! True Hollywood Story: Seabiscuit, Derby to Darkness
marko comment: that’s a good one

Scott Pittman
Why such the long face?

adam mclane
Lindsay Lohan arrest again.
marko comment: not eligible to win, but dang funny

Angie
what’s Sarah Jessica Parker doing at the beach?
marko comment: omg, that’s hilarious

Kevin Libick
War Horse 2: Shore Leave Gone Bad

pbj
the locals never have liked visitors from the valley

AND THE WINNER IS…

i narrowed it to two, and couldn’t make up my mind; so i’m giving out two awards! Cindy Z, for “The day Sonshine Church decided to rethink ‘VBS Happy Trails.’”, and Angie, for “what’s Sarah Jessica Parker doing at the beach?”

so completely different, but both so funny! Cindy Z and Angie — you both win a 20% discount for either the MSMC or The Summit. shoot me an email (marko@theyouthcartel.com).