how did this happen?

i’m sitting here in my palatial suite at the hyatt in sacramento (when we have conventions, the hotels give us a handful of free suites — no youth worker is paying for this thing), one floor above ahnold schwarzenegger’s suite. 3400 youth workers will show up today for a convention. and i’m heavy with the thought, how the heck did i get here? how is it possible that i am the president of this thing?

i’m so imperfect
i’m so insecure
i’m such a poser sometimes
such a wannabe
i’m fumbling my way through this job
there are others who would do it better than i
i don’t deny that god has given me some gifts
i don’t deny, for a second, that every single life experience, especially the jobs i’ve had and the good and bad lessons i’ve learned, have been god’s careful orchestration and preparation for today
and for tomorrow
and for monday when i speak in the general session
and for whatever comes next year
i’m confident in god
and the weird thing is
god seems, for some reason beyond my grasp
to be confident in me
how twisted is that?
i suppose if it were logical (sorry, mr. spock), it wouldn’t be much fun
and if it were logical, i wouldn’t be here
and i think i like being here
most days
they’re my buddies as i leave my room this morning.

how did this happen? god, remind me again?

5 thoughts on “how did this happen?”

  1. As a long time NYWC conference attender (we finalized our Nashville registration today) let me just say that one of the things I appreciate the most from YS, from the way Mike would open up the convention, to Tic’s comedy, Carla’s ability to understand that thousands of youth workers around the world grieved with her in Mike’s death, and now your new presence in YS is the authenticity I hear from each of you that is echoed in posts just like you shared. As a youth pastor, seeking to do my job well… sometimes fails miserably and at other times expressing the same feelings as you (how did I get here?) it’s so encouraging to know that I’m not alone. As to your prior post about “filling Mike’s shoes,” I just want you to know that you have done an amazing job because of thoughts just like you shared here. Mike was always honest and authentic. That legacy lives on through you.

  2. dude… that’s the same way I felt about even being there this weekend…

    You’re probably speaking in the last general session right now… You won’t know this until your done, but you’re being prayed for.

    I’m planning to call you in a little while, once things settle down, but in case I don’t get a hold of you, I’m looking forward to spending some good time in Santa Fe next week.

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