have you ever heard of “leap second“? it’s real — seriously. and it occurs tomorrow night (saturday, june 30). don’t believe me, or just want to know more: read this. in short, a leap second is a scheduled adjustment in the worldwide “coordinated universal time” (UTC) to adjust for the extremely gradual and unpredictable slowing down of the earth’s rotation. yeah. that’s how i responded too. so, we’re all gonna die. that’s the basic message of leap second.
anyhow, the official leap second is schedule for 23:59:60 (i don’t get the :60, btw, as it seems like that would move into the next minute; but, whatever). it’s actually happening around the world at the same moment. so here in my lovely san diego, leap second will occur at 4:59 in the afternoon.
anyhow, this means you can have an extra second of sleep saturday night! just think — church attendance should be extremely high this weekend, as people have an opportunity to get plenty of rest.
in fact, i think it might be helpful to offer my loyal, smart, beautiful and particularly interesting readers a helpful list of SUGGESTED USES FOR YOUR LEAP SECOND:
1. wink at someone who will be creeped out or disoriented by your doing so. like: wink at your senior pastor. or, at the church organist. or, at the mailman.
2. shout “FREE TIME” wherever you are at the exact moment of leap second. you’ll have to say it rather quickly to get both words in during the second; but i know you can do it.
3. hop. really — just take a nice jaunty vertical hop. trust me — you will not be disappointed with this use of your leap second. because awesome.
4. call your mother. sure, you’ll have to disconnect before you even get to dialing the 4th digit of her number. but it’s the thought that counts, right?
5. pray. all you’ll be able to say during your spare second is “God;” but, really, in’t the essence of most prayers anyhow?
6. hit send on an email that is courageous or fantastically risky (in a good way). in order for this one to work, you’ll need to compose the email ahead of time, and have it ready in your draft folder. at about 58 minutes into the hour when leap second occurs, pull up that email; then hit send with flourish on “the second that does not exist.”
7. take a step backward. that way, you get to live that same second two times. you’re like a walking human version of hip hop scratching. wiki-wiki.
8. slap yourself. it only takes a second, and that’s how much time you have. this would be especially helpful if you tell yourself some truth you need to hear just as you start the swing. locks that truth in, man.
9. collapse on the floor. really. just go 100% limp at the moment of leap second, folding into an organic pile of mush on the floor. if someone happens to be nearby and sees you, get back up and say, “that was my performance art piece to acknowledge the slowing of the earth’s rotation, and your imminent death. have a great day!”
10. exhale and smile. quite possibly the best use of a bonus second ever.