Really Boring Books for Children.
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Springtime? Taxtime!
The New Drapes
Let’s All Have a Bottle of Water!
The Two Weeks After Christmas
Staring at Your Shoes and Other Games
The Big Book of Paper Clips
One Wall, Two Walls, Three Walls, Four!
Mom Folds the Towels and Then Puts Them Away
B Is for Beige
The Long Drive to the Small Town to Visit Childless Relatives
Sally Finds a Stick
this just in…
mcsweeney’s has a list called
BY KRISTIN HILLERY AND JANICE CHAN
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Don’t share drinks with livestock.
Disinfect your sty.
Wash your hands before and after eating garbage and dead insects.
Drink lots of fluids, but not the stuff that’s been sitting in the trough for the past two weeks.
Cover your snout when you cough.
i used some upcoming birthday money from my parents to purchased a cool pair of slightly distressed jeans while i was in paris. so, in honor of my new jeans, i present this list from mcsweeney’s:
Articles of Clothing That Go Well With Distressed Jeans
BY COLLEEN DOYLE
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an anxious sweater vest
passive-aggressive penny loafers
a letterman’s jacket full of regret
a belt suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder
suspenders
with apologies to my home-school lovin’ friends…
a list, from mcsweeney’s:
Notable Moments at Home-School Prom.
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Daughter forced to dance with older brother.
Dad caught necking with Mom by the kitchen.
Little brother head-bangs during “Stairway to Heaven.”
Dog ejected for rowdiness.
a list, from mcsweeney’s:
SportsCenter Anchors Tell the Story of Jesus Christ.
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Nothing but the bottom of the manger!
He’s no Beanie Baby!
A good carpenter doesn’t blame his tools!
That’s levitation, homes.
No one does the voodoo like Jesus do.
He’s running like there’re people chasing Him!
Resistance is futile!
That man has been voted off the island.
The Lord said, “You’ve got to rise up!”
And He’s outta heeere!
With authority!