Tag Archives: what i’d say to the martians

what i’d say to the martians

jackhandyWhat I’d Say to the Martians: And Other Veiled Threats, by Jack Handey

i’ve been a fan of jack handey’s “deep thoughts” since way back in the day when they were on SNL. i subsequently bought all the books, and laughed out loud reading them, annoying everyone in my life at the time by repeating some of the choicest ones.

this new book of handey’s is in the same vein: twisted, and horribly funny. it’s a collection of humorous essays, really — just short pieces that are wildly random and weird. the book title is one of those: a “speech” given to a group of aliens from a captive’s cell, with crazy passive-aggressive payback language. seriously, handey must be somewhere between lunacy and brilliance to come up with stuff.

there are also short sections of his favorite “deep thoughts”, as well as some sketch scripts he wrote for SNL (like, original “toonces” scripts). it’s all good fun, and put many, many smiles on my face (and a good many reverberating laughs into whatever space i was occupying at the moment).

monday morning update

the weekend that was: got home from grand rapids on friday night, late; but saturday and sunday we chillage. did a bunch of errands and jobs around the house; but mainly relaxed.

saturday night, we had a family evening, with our traditional pick-up stix for me, jeannie and liesl, and carl’s jr for max. we watched “swing vote” on pay per view, which was substantially better than i expected. really funny, and quite sweet also.

got to go to church sunday morning. our teaching pastor, my friend ed noble, made this off-handed comment that really stuck with me: there are two gods in the universe — the one who agrees with me on everything, and the one who actually exists.

where i am at the moment: at the ys office. this is going to be a stressful week.

on my to-do list this week: lots of administrative stuff to do, then i leave for korea on thursday.

procrastinating about: need to get to those “middle school ministry” book tweaks.

book i’m in the midst of: still in the midst of three — the same three i was in the midst of last week!
– still reading the know it all
– halfway through jack handy’s what i’d say to the martians
– started are you there, vodka? it’s me, chelsea

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: family force 5 caught my attention this week, with their infectious dance or die cd. dang, that thing DEFINES infectious music. like a rash.

next trip: we’re doing a youth worker’s event in korea in may; and i have a set-up trip this week. i’m leaving thursday and coming home next tuesday.

how i’m feeling about this week: not good. more on that later.

monday morning update, january 26, 2009

the weekend that was: i was in san juan, puerto rico, for the ys youth worker event there. wonderful time, with 750 youth workers from across the denominational spectrum. i’d not been to puerto rico before, and really loved it. being part of the united states, it’s a very easy place to be a non-spanish speaking visitor. many people speak at least some english (especially in restaurants and stores), and u.s. currency is used; and there’s no customs or need for a passport. i had a great time hanging out and getting caught up with lucas leys, the ys spanish director. and i had a blast with my seminars and general session — people were super responsive.

that said, i had quite an experience getting through security at the san juan airport. “traces of something” were found on my luggage, shoes, and hands (!). and right there at the end of the line, in front of everyone coming through, two TSA employees took every single item out of my luggage and backpack, holding each up, one at a time (including my undies!), and examining them. joy!

saw two movies on the flights home: the duchess (with keira knightly), which was pretty good, but very sad; and the longshots (with ice cube), which was predictable, but decent plane fare.

where i am at the moment: unfortunately, i’m heading right back out again (i’m in a wicked few weeks of travel). we have a ys leadership team retreat starting today, going through wednesday evening. it’s local, in san diego; but we’re staying at a hotel, so i’m not home.

on my to-do list this week: two leadership team retreat — first, 3 days with the ys leadership team, then 2 days with the zondervan leadership team.

procrastinating about: um… oh, getting the final tweaks done on the middle school ministry book. need to get to that!

book i’m in the midst of: i think i’m in the middle of three right now:
– still reading the know it all
– halfway through jack handy’s what i’d say to the martians
– started are you there, vodka? it’s me, chelsea

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: ben taylor’s music (particularly his newest, the legend of kung folk). dude sounds like he’s channeling james taylor; and i mean that in a very good way.

next trip: wednesday night i take a red-eye (san diego to l.a. to chicago to grand rapids) for a zondervan leadership team thurs/fri. come home friday night.

how i’m feeling about this week: well, i wish i were home with my family!

monday morning update, jan 19, 2009

the weekend that was: it was a nice, fairly relaxing weekend at home. i sure do like those! jeannie went to a seminar kind of thingy friday night and most of saturday, so the kids and i got a chance to hang. friday night, i took liesl and max to see bride wars. i didn’t really expect to like it, but i didn’t expect it to be as relentlessly boring as it was. the few nominally funny bits were all in the trailer. otherwise, it was attempt to be sweet. of course, i am not the target audience, and liesl (almost 15) really liked it. saturday, i slept in a bit, got caught up on a bunch of tv shows i had on the dvr (including 24), and chilled. then max and i went out to see his movie pick: mall cop. this one was actually pretty funny. sure, it’s no oscar contender, and totally formulaic as movies go; but kevin james is funny, the whole segway thing works, and max and i both laughed out loud a lot. then we went shopping for books (max HAD to get the new “diary of a wimpy kid” book), and to rent a wii game he wanted to try (mario strikers charged — a soccer game), and we played that a bit, until my thumb couldn’t take it anymore (and because max was creaming me).

sunday morning, we signed loan docs (we refinanced our house with the great low rates right now, and dropped our monthly payment an additional $200!), then went to church. had a fun middle school ministry volunteer staff meeting in the early afternoon. then, in the late afternoon, i had a fun visit with a guy who was a middle schooler at the church i grew up at when i was an intern there. a few years later, in the first church i worked in as a junior high pastor (in wheaton, il), he was on my volunteer team while in college. since then, we’ve had occasional contact (every few years, it seems), and he’s been a youth pastor for a bunch of years. funny thing is: i still think of him as a kid from my middle school group, but he’s something like 38 years-old! i’m just an old fart!

sunday evening, we worked on getting our christmas decorations down. jeannie’s rule is: everything has to be down by the end of january. the lights got off the house yesterday, and the tree is down. just a few more things to pack up tonite. this is my last chance this month, so we’re committed to having it done by tonite (monday night).

where i am at the moment: home. yeah! and, not just home like, home-in-san-diego-but-in-the-office. i’m home as in at my house! (today is a holiday for ys)

on my to-do list this week: busy day tomorrow, with meetings and prep for my trip to puerto rico this week.

procrastinating about: preparing for my trip to puerto rico! i’m doing a general session, a seminar, and a super-seminar; and i haven’t prepared a thing yet.

book i’m in the midst of: two of ’em. i’m still reading the know it all. and i picked up jack handy’s new book the other day — what i’d say to the martians — and am halfway through it. funny, funny stuff.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: newly appreciated ysmarko commenter, cal, commented on my monday morning update last week that i should check out the sufjan stevens’ produced jewel, welcome to the welcome wagon, by the band the welcome wagon (seriously, three uses of “welcome” in one album title!). such a cool album. almost more like a collection of hymns than anything else, but with a quirky sufjan-y sensibility (both lyrically, and sonically).

next trip: i leave for san juan, puerto rico, on wednesday, for our spanish ys summit (the country event for puerto rico). here’s the online event brochure.

how i’m feeling about this week: really looking forward to puerto rico. lucas, our spanish director, and i will spend 36 hours together on the front end, prior to the event. i really love lucas, and always have fun with him dreaming about the future of our spanish stuff. then, the event should be a kick also.