for some time now, i’ve been thinking that i should do something about my body. trading it in for a new one doesn’t seem to be a feasible option, unfortunately. i’ve started a couple diets in the last couple years, but never made it far. i knew i needed to do something — i’m as heavy as i’ve ever been, and — frankly — just not comfortable.
when i was on my sabbatical, i had an assignment. i was to sit quietly for an entire hour and listen to my body. well, all my body said to me was, “you are so ________ fat!” yes, my body actually swore at me. i took a deep breath, and threw that mean and un-called-for comment aside, and set to the task of listening to my body again. all it said to me was, “you are so _________ fat!” this time i laughed. a little. i found it a bit charming that my body would say that to me twice. silly body. funny body.
but it went on that way for the entire frickin’ hour. never heard my body say anything else. no “you are beautiful” or even a “please take better care of me” — just “you are so ________ fat!”
so, when my wife started talking about hiring our good friend shelley pagitt, a natural health coach, i thought i might ride along. jeannie started her one-month cleanse last week — but it was impossible-insano-week for me. so, today is day #1 of a 16-day cleanse for me. jeannie and i went to the natural food store, and read through all the stuff shelley had sent me, and got my brain around the different pills i have to take 5 times a day.
there are a few challenges in this for me:
1. i can’t have coffee. i love coffee. i mean, i REALLY love coffee. no coffee for 16 days — even decaf.
2. no caffiene at all. no sugars. no processed flour. i REALLY like caffiene, sugars, and processed flour.
3. i’m fairly certain that my five basic food groups (lard, grease, sugar, fake cheese, and coffee) are all off limits. hmmm.
4. the real toughie is that i’m traveling next sunday through wednesday, to the junior high pastors summit, in colorado — where our food will be catered. i might have to stow away some raw veggies in my suitcase.
as life would have it, i got a call from my friend tony jones last night, saying he’s starting a month-long cleanse, also guided by shelley, today also!
when you next see me, my eyes should be whiter, my skin smoother (really, shelley said both of those), my fur shinier (she didn’t say that), and my colon somewhere in utopia (sorry).