pastor of extreme worship arts

ht to tony. this job description must have slipped past the screeners at pretty funny!

Pastor of Extreme Worship Arts
Miami, FL

Denomination: Unknown

Worship Style: PostModern / Gen-X

Church Size: 1001 to 1500

Job Status: Full Time

Job Description:
Main Event Church is seeking an exceptional leader to be our Pastor of Extreme Worship Arts. We believe the right person will be a unique fit for for such a time as this.

This person serve under the Senior Pastor, and will oversee all areas of worship. Candidates must embrace the Senior Pastor’s vision of aligning all people of all denominations under the same vision. The person must also meet these requirements:

Ability to infuse the TULIP doctrine in all worship sets

Postmodern, Visionary, Missional leader capable of creating an ethos and apostolitic movement

Willing to find some songs written from a premillenial dispensationalist theological tradition

Desires to develop an emerging handbell choir

Some snake handling may be appropriate (for our believers service only)

Agree that the Lord is to be worshiped through magnificent attire and appropriate versions of the Bible

Demonstrate proof of a second blessing… Tongue speaking in various accents is a major plus as we are a multicultural church.

Exegetically establish a movement of fluidity in the Extreme Worship Ministry

We realize that many of these requirements are personal preferences and not biblical mandates. Therefore, each candidate must be aligned with roughly 3/4 of all our requirements.

my favorite line: desires to develop an emerging handbell choir.

10 thoughts on “pastor of extreme worship arts”

  1. Does groupie worship of the DC Band constitute premillenial dispensationalist theological tradition experience? That’s the only one I lack. I so want to develop that bell choir thingy.

  2. My favorite part is the fact that only 3/4 agreement is needed. That’s a better shot than most church job descriptions looking for super-pastor! Thanks for the link…

  3. I’m surpised they’re still looking to fill that position. I mean, I resigned from there over a year ago. Got tired of the snake bites. Apparently I didn’t have enough “faith”. Whatever. Besides, my handbell playing wasn’t quite emergent enough. Ah well…at least it wasn’t pink guitar rock.

  4. My favorite prerequisite: “Willing to find some songs written from a premillenial dispensationalist theological tradition”

  5. I want that job. I like snakes, I like tulips, and i can play the peenana for the right price.
    i needs enough insurance to cover the snakebites

  6. I’m definitely interested in playing the piano, but I require my snakes to clean off the keys before I play. Can I bring my pet Iguana too, so he doesnt feel left out of this worship experience?

  7. crap!
    I thought this was a real job posting. Yes, it was funny and I laughed, and I knew most of it was bs, but I still thought there was a real position to fill described by a guy who didn’t take himself so damn seriously. I was so psyched too…

Leave a Reply