the day i came home from getting laid off, i knew i needed to get away by myself at some point. but i had also assumed i would “lay low” for the first month or so. and this last few weeks sure hasn’t felt like “laying low”.
so, this morning, i’m heading out to the desert. for those not familiar with san diego, we’re bounded by mountains to the east. and on the eastern side of those is a vast and dry desert, stretching to arizona. it only take about an hour from where i live to get over the mountains and into the desert.
there is a lovely older couple in my church who have a cabin in a fairly remote canyon out there. it’s been in their family since the husband was a little boy. i spent a few days out there on one of my silent retreats a few years ago, and have been wanting to return ever since. many of the pastors at my church head out there monthly for a silent 24 hours (the owners are wonderfully generous with their place).
i’m not just doing 24 hours, or even 3 days. i’m going for 6 days. no cell phone signal, no internet. and the most profound silence i think i’ve ever “heard” (or, would that be “not heard”?). i am not a person who has a natural connection with my emotions, though i’ve grown a lot in this area in the past 6 years. so i need to be intentional about creating space for the grief i feel is bubbling just below the surface. i’m bringing a handful of books, and some homework assignments from a therapist friend. i’m only taking my laptop because i want to do some journaling, and it’s easier for me to type than write long hand.
in the old ysmarko blog days, when i would leave town like this, i would load up a full schedule of posts, set to go live each day. but that’s not the whyismarko way. since i’m going to be silent in the desert, i figure this blog might as well be silent also. :)