these are priceless: analogies and metaphors from high school essays. i don’t have any assurance they’re real, but they still cracked me up. here are a few of my favorites:

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

(ht to bob c, via facebook)