apparently i’m not in a good place

when our exec team started sharing personal updates yesterday late morning (we’re on a retreat right now, and spent the first two days on budgets and goals, which we’re getting back to today), we thought it might take a couple hours. we finished at 9pm. wow — lots of stuff going on in everyone’s lives right now. but the primary theme, and certainly mine, was stress.

now, i know we all make choices about our lives that lead to stress. but sometimes there are seasons where it feels like you have no choices — just lots of stuff (good as each of those pieces might be in and of themselves). one of my co-workers described the feeling right now as “holding on, but not looking forward”, and that so rang true. there’s a variety of weighty things going on (much of which i can’t blog about), and i’m waiting on resolve with some of them. i think the resolve will be better in most cases — though, to be honest, in one of two of the major issues, the resolve could be good, bad or (maybe the worst) feel like more waiting. almost all of this is somewhat out of my control, which is absolutely maddening to me. i like to be able to control my world (that’s an admission), or at least maintain the perception that i am able to do so. but even the perception is clearly out the window at this moment.

i sobbed like a baby in front of the exec team yesterday (which didn’t freak anyone out at all! 4 others had done the same thing!). now, back to budgets and goals.

6 thoughts on “apparently i’m not in a good place”

  1. Something must be in the water or something.

    I have been having an awful week, and it seems all I can do (as Roberta Bondi says) is to show up. And just showing up counts for something sometimes.

  2. Marko, you’ve got a supporter in Buffalo. Sometimes we just have to keep peddling while God directs us through the fog and hurt. Don’t forget his faithfulness. We, the church, stand with you in your struggle.

  3. I would put more money in the budget for spiritual / fun retreats and plans for a suprise week off again. I would also put in money for printer ink, I am always out !!!

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