bad rap

one of my favorite blogs these days is stuff christians like. it’s a wonderful insider skewer of churchianity and our proclivities. i keep thinking the author will run out of stuff to post about; but with most new posts (now well into the 200s), he finds stuff that i laugh at or cringe at (or both).

recently, stuff christians like posted #241: aweful youth group rap. very, very funny post.

here’s the lead in…

Few things strike terror into my heart quite like hearing a youth minister say, “yo, yo, mic check!” For although I love rap and will be doing an entry on Christian rap as soon as I can get my friend Lecrae to help me out, I find most youth group rap excruciating.

I think the main reason I don’t love it is that most of the words in the Christian vocabulary are really hard to rhyme. God, blood, Jesus, Holy Spirit, have you ever tried to rhyme any of those words? And don’t even try Ichthus, that thing is impossible.

Usually what happens is that your youth minister gets quiet on stage. He/She puts on a bandana or a trucker hat backwards and you start to get a little sweaty. Then, out of nowhere, you hear a Jay-Z song start playing and your youth minister says:

i’ll let you click through to his post to see the actual horrific rap. let’s just mention that it actually includes the words “bill hybels” in the rap.

AND, in the spirit of self-disclosure, i am forced to admit that i, yes, me, ysmarko, have been – deep in my youth ministry past – a bad rapper. this surfaced again recently when my daughter remembered some lame rap i’d written and performed at a wheaton college talent show (as part of some mc’ing responsibilities) and had unleashed from my memory banks onto her at some young age, where it lodged in her brain somewhere, only to be called out these many years later. now, she and max keep asking me to “do that rap.” a couple weeks ago, liesl asked me to deliver it in front of some of her friends. i resisted, but eventually caved. and let me tell you, there is just nothing worse than a 45 year-old dad performing mediocre rap for his daughter’s middle school friends. they all insisted that it was cool; but i am sure – very sure – it is not.

as proof of my un-coolness, i now present you with that lame rap. (by the way, “mighty mo” was the rap handle i’d given myself, which i actually thought was cool. “mo”, of course, being my initials).

well you’ve got the mighty mo and i’m here to say

that my rap is strong, through the night and through the day

’cause i’ve got the beat that’s sure to move your feet

without me rockin’ is incomplete

so get up on the floor and let your body move

and listen really close to my super-jammin’ groove

yeah, hip-hip-hop and don’t you let it stop

keep jammin’ ‘cross the floor ’til you practically drop

and just before you do, lift your head and plea

say, “please, mighty mo, energize me.”

yes, you read that correctly, it did say “super-jammin’ groove.” i now retire, off to listen to some snoop dogg.

19 thoughts on “bad rap”

  1. That people did this weirds me out more than that whole ‘electric chair bible verse quiz’ thing a while back. It worries me that I must be doing some stuff now that’s as bad as that.

  2. Funny stuff, Marko. I wonder if you or anyone else remembers Carmen’s Resurrection Rap? Wow…I would love to hear that again and have a good laugh.

  3. There was a song out there by Steven Curtis Chapman from back in the day where he raps too. SCL is right on, and one of the funniest sites going on.

  4. And yet it never dies…

    My students know that I’ve written a couple songs and that I used to do some choreographing and they constantly ask me to prove it.

    I’m not as daring as Marko…I simply state it’s like Jordan at the end of his career…could he dunk, couldn’t he dunk, would it be as spectacular if he did…as long as he didn’t try you had to respect the threat that he still could but if he ever tried and failed miserably the fear of that aspect of his game would be gone…and so I decline. Of course, that’s my students who are asking and not my 3 children.

    Kudos to Marko to being man/dad enough to bring joy to his kids life!

  5. I just perused the entire website and then baraged my closest youth pastor friends with all my favorites.

    Incredible site, well worth the total time of unproductivity…among other things I loved the GI Joe explanation of Bible Versions

  6. Marko, the best thing about you is that you’re willing to admit these things! I was at the NYWC in Austin when we made you breakdance, too!

  7. Hey Scott – You can go to to hear any of his music. It’s so funny! Lately I’ve been pondering the similarities between Carmen and Chuck Norris. I think there is something there, but I don’t think Chuck raps or accepts invitations from witches. :)

  8. NYWC Anaheim 06 saw some breakdancing too.
    I just checked youtube – how did nobody record that!!!
    But there is a marko with breakdancing instructional on youtube though I’m sure it’s different. There’s also a bodybuilder posing :-(

  9. Steve Taylor has a song on his first album called Bad Rap (uh huh) your post brought this to mind. Unfortunately i have done a bad rap in front of students and on one horrible beach trip sang a song in a dress and wig. ( what made this even funnier was there was a serious youth group next door doing some type of bible story with robes and such) aaaahh the things we will do for a few laughs.

  10. I remember a rapper named minister rmb from California at YS a couple years back who’s slogan was “the devil’s a pimp, don’t be his ho”…that was the best!!! I had to get a T-shirt!!! His music and a guy named Sevin has been the most realest “west coast” rap music that I have heard in the “christian” market that really spoke truth without sugar coating it and not sounding cheesy. I am hoping these 2 rappers are at the YS convention in Sacramento this year.

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