bro, please tell me you prounce your name ahz-mahn, or something like that.
well, i suppose the ends might justify the means in this case? not sure. i’m wondering what i could sell for habitat for humanity…
ok, i don’t so much have a theological problem with painting jesus as a teenager. interesting idea, really. and i agree that, if one is to paint jesus as a teenager, it would be best to actually make him look like a teenager. but this… well, the halo, the “apostles” tat, the brush cut, the smug “i’m a young richard gere” look. it was just a bit too much for me, you might say. i did get a kick out of reading the youth ministers page. and at least this one seems to be in stock, unlike that elvis & jesus painting!
(ht to steve case)
warning to adulterers: parrots make a poor pet choice.
ohmygosh — being a massive 24 fan, and salivating my way through the first-half of the 4 hour premiere last night, this summary from dave barry made me laugh out loud:
FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.
UPDATE: WE DON’T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.
UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?
UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West Coast.
UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.
UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They’ll NEVER penetrate that disguise!
UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!
UPDATE: They’re setting up a hard perimeter. That’s always good.
UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He’s, like, 9, but still.
UPDATE: Frank’s hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.
UPDATE: The new girlfriend’s surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.
UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.
UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.
UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.
UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.
UPDATE: NOW THEY’RE AFTER CHLOE. It’s like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?
UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: “I can’t thank you enough for all the work you’ve done around here.” Heheheheh.
UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.
UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He’s baaaaaaccckk!
UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.
UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.
UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF’s surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It’s a chance for them to bond.
UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, “not making this up.”
UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.
UPDATE: They’re not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I’m not at speed.
UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.
UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.
UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn’t shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.
UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there’s going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.
UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?
UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??
UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That’s exactly how I would handle it.
UPDATE: Chloe’s going to get Jack a schematic.
UPDATE: “Jack would never murder his friends.”
UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.
UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.
UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)
UPDATE: Jack’s girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.
UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents’ transponders. She is some woman!
UPDATE: “Relax. He’s really good at this.”
UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.
UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.
UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.
UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe’s logged in remotely! With an external socket!
UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!
UPDATE: I don’t like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.
UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.
UPDATE: There’s, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.
UPDATE: The girlfriend’s on the 210 at the 10.
UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.
UPDATE: Jack really does care.
UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady’s mind, such as it is.
UPDATE: Edgar says there’s chatter! They’re sourcing it! The reliability’s approaching 95 percent!
UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.
UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.
UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.
UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE’S IN ON IT!
UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.
OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We’ll recap tomorrow. You’ll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.
(ht to dave barry)
but… this is one of those names you’d probably trade in a for an american nickname. how’d you like to go through an american middle school with this one?
(ht to dave barry)
seriously! where else could you get a two-headed albino snake? and, i mean it, when have us tw0-headed-albino-snake fans EVER been able to get one for this someone-must-be-crazy price of $150,000!?!?! i’m rushing to put in my bid now, before it’s too late. if you’re smart, you will also. seriously, it’s an investment!
as if heavenly images wasn’t bad enough, i just received this from the hilarious and blogless steve case. steve points out a couple very troubling facts:
1. there’s a glow around ‘the king’, but not around ‘the King’ (ooh, look at that, i put a cap in there — be happy, scot mcknight)
2. isn’t that the elvis from the photo with nixon?
3. they’re out of stock???!!!
bavaria: home of great pretzels, sturdy beer, and trespassing wild boar (ooh, is ‘boar’ plural? ‘boars’ doesn’t sound right).
(ht to dave barry)
if you’re going to rob a bank, best you don’t have “find me” as a license plate on your car.
(ht to dave barry)