Category Archives: personal

2016 by the numbers

5 — number of staff at this little thing called The Youth Cartel

6 — Youth Ministry Coaching Program cohorts launched

17 — 2-day YMCP meetings I led (this doesn’t include all YMCP cohorts, since April Diaz leads some)

27 — total Cartel resources published (including 8 individual products, 11 Viva releases, 5 NEXT releases, and 3 other) (BTW: we’ve got a pretty big announcement coming next week on a Cartel publishing shift for 2017)

19 — non-Cartel speaking gigs (almost all included multiple days/talks)

213,275 — miles flown on airplanes (173,725 on United, 39,550 on other airlines)

41 — locations traveled to by air

9 — countries visited, not including the U.S. of A.

2 — new countries added to current total of 46 countries visited

16 — states visited

0 — new states added to current total of 48 states visited (this # has been the same for more than a dozen years).

115 — days when jeannie and i were empty-nesters

37 and 9 — days vacationed and number of vacation trips (see, i play hard also)

An Open Apology to Those Not Like Me

To my brothers and sisters who are immigrants, refugees, people of color, women, LGBTQ, Muslim, or any other marginalized group:

I’m a white man of privilege. I’d love to view myself (and by viewed by others) as someone who isn’t racist, misogynist, homophobic or in any way demeaning to any human, either in action or thought. But I’ve had an inescapable sense of obligation in these last few days: an obligation to ask for your forgiveness.

It started when my oldest child, who identifies as gender neutral, texted late on election night to say that they didn’t feel safe.

Then I almost cried when Van Jones, during CNN’s election night coverage, shared honestly about his pain and wondering how he would process the current reality with his children.

Then a dear (white) friend with adopted African children shared through tears how she was choosing to keep her children home from school the next day out of concern for their safety.

Then a youth ministry friend shared that he was on his way to the hospital to visit a youth group kid who checked himself in with suicidal ideation the previous night, due to his fear surrounding the election results and what they might mean for him as a gay teen.

Then I saw, as I’m sure you have also, all the horrible instances of bullying perpetrated on those viewed as “other.”

Finally, my amazing wife came home from work and shared her weariness. As I was in the midst of meeting her in that space, she very lovingly and graciously said something like, “I know you care about this, and I know that you are intentional about supporting women; but there’s a part of this you just can’t understand.”

I’ve been wrestling with my own culpability. I’m tempted, of course, to hide behind proclamations of my beliefs and build a tiny wall of defense based on some of my previous actions. Those urges are strong. But I know they are helpful to no one other than myself.

So I want to say to you, I love you, and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the times—protracted or in-this-moment—when you experience limitations imposed on you by others (by people like me).

I’m sorry for the way we patronize you.

I’m sorry for the slurs, and the diminishing looks.

I’m sorry for excluding you from the White Men’s Power Club.

I’m sorry for giving you ample reason for fear.

I’m sorry to have put you in place where you have completely legitimate anxiety over the treatment your children receive in the world.

I’m sorry for my role in perpetuating a culture that has not yet progressed beyond this injustice, this permitted prejudice and inequality.

I want you to experience the freedom and opportunity that I’m given; and I’m sorry for whatever role I’ve played in keeping that from you.

I will be searching my thoughts and behaviors for the ways I may actively or inadvertently contribute to this systemic exclusion. And in the mean time, I ask your forgiveness for the myriad ways I have perpetuated these realities knowingly or unknowingly.

New Music Rodeo! Whoop!

i do dig me some music. and i’m old school — i still buy it (as in, download it from the itunes store; though i get a ton of awesome indie free stuff from noisetrade). in the last few weeks, i’ve totally overshot my normal purchasing rate, because i’m weak, and there have just been too many amazing albums.

here’s what i got, and a peek into my eclectic-but-specific-and-opinionated taste:

shovels-and-ropeShovels & Rope: Little Seeds

pre-ordered this one, and have two songs so far. i found Shovels & Rope a couple years ago via a free download on noisetrade, and have become a huge fan. bluesy, indie, husband and wife duo, with amazing harmony.

the-bad-plusThe Bad Plus: It’s Hard

TBP is, hands down, my all-time favorite jazz act. i have 13 of their albums. a jazz piano trio (piano/bass/drums), every member is a virtuoso. i love their original tunes, but i fell in love with them because of their inventive cover songs. they haven’t had cover songs on their last few releases, so it’s a massive treat that this album is all covers.

crowderCrowder: American Prodigal

another pre-order. what’s to say, other than i dig both the man and his music. always have.

jon-batisteJon Batiste: Jazz is Now

you might recognize jon batiste as the band leader for stephen colbert. that’s where i was introduced to him. i love his style and decided it was time to pick up one of his albums. i chose this slightly older release over his newest stuff with his current band (Stay Human), and have almost worn out its digital grooves. (btw: Christianity Today recently listed him in their article on culture shapers.)

jack-whiteJack White: Acoustic Recordings 1998 – 2016

jack white is the man. jack white is to me what 21 Pilots is to a 13-year-old girl. he’s musical crack for me — everything he releases. this is a compilation of acoustic recordings (some in original form, some stripped down versions) that span various bands and jack iterations. oh, and it’s double-length. yee-haw.

miaM.I.A.: AIM

you know, that girl who had the mega-popular song Paper Planes (“All I wanna do is / And / And take your money”) a few years back. i’m not normally a fan of dance music, but i love the world music influences and pretty much everything else about her music. it’s PUMP YOU UP music.

macy-grayMacy Gray: Stripped

ah, the voice of macy gray. how to categorize her: post-soul? r&b? all i know is her voice is amazing, in a gritty, sexy way. this album shows maturity (we’re all getting older, after all), and leans well into jazz on some tracks. it’s mellower than some of her angrier stuff of the past, and i like it.

wilcoWilco: Schmilco

normally an amazing alt-rock band (last year’s release Star Wars was UH-MAZING), this time around they go with a WAY-stripped down, almost acoustic album full of inventiveness and lyrical depth. so good, in a more chill way than past releases.

frank-oceanFrank Ocean: Blond

despite the buzz, i hadn’t planned on getting it. but my son’s strong suggestion (begging?) caused me to give it a listen. and — wow. reminds me of a guy version of beyonce’s lemonaide, a little in sound, but more so in its variety and creativity. i guess the genre is called ‘post-soul.’ but all i know is i’ve been listening to it nonstop for 3 days.

Things I’m Excited About

holy cow, it’s september! i was traveling for most of two weeks — taking my son to college, then leading two YMCP cohorts in a row. but this week i’m at my desk (which, to be honest, is mostly my picnic table in my backyard — i do live in san diego, after all). and i’m feeling waves of excitement and anticipation this week. there’s just so much good stuff.

here’s a small smattering of that…

Riley and Max

my two kids are both at college (riley at University of Redlands in redlands CA, and max at Regis University in denver). and both are doing really well. riley’s a junior, and has a job this year as the head of the RAs for the program they’re in, which includes two dorms. max is a freshman, and finding his way on a grand adventure.

Empty Nesting

i love having my kids around, and we miss them. but there’s undeniably some pretty awesome stuff about empty nesting. not the least of these is that i now have regular access to a car!

Growth in YMCP

i’ve never been a part of something so strongly at the crossroads of my gifting and impact on youth workers as the Youth Ministry Coaching Program. we currently have 260 graduates and about 40 in current cohorts. and it’s looking likely that we’ll launch about three more cohorts this fall, and something around 8 or 10 cohorts in 2017. in addition, we’re expanding our offerings under the “coaching” umbrella: we’ve already launched 1-on-1 Coaching, and are days away from launching another cool low-cost growth opportunity. this all has me energized and thankful and hopeful and full of anticipation.

2 Campferences

we’ve scaled back on events at The Youth Cartel, putting more emphasis on the things we’re best at. but two of our events still have me very excited. the first of those — the Middle School Ministry Campference — is coming up very soon (October 14- 16), and i’m in the thick of planning and organizing. this is quite literally my most favorite youth ministry event i’ve ever attended or been a part of. it is my tribe.

we also just inked the contract for the Women in Youth Ministry Campference, our 3rd time around (now in a new location!). it will be next spring, and we’ll get stuff out soon on that. but i attended this event last year, and even though it wasn’t great for the Cartel financially, it’s so powerful and unique that we just felt a spiritual compulsion to do it again. it’s missional for us, and mind-blowingly good.

New Products

we have some exceptionally good resources that just released — three, to be exact: Slaying Biblical Illiteracy (a short and practical book), Don’t Do This (a highly instructive book of failure stories by youth ministry leaders), and Sunday Comics (one of the most creative curriculum resources i’ve seen in a long time). (oh: we also have brand new editions of our downloadable curriculum series — Viva and NEXT.) and we have some revolutionary and practical and creative resources in the pipeline right now — i’ve been working on these and finding great energy in them!

Starting a New 7th Grade Guys Small Group

last night i started yet another middle school ministry small group. i have nine 7th grade guys in my group this time around. and i’m particularly pumped about my TWO new co-leaders: chris davis (a former co-worker from my YS days), and joel sullivan (one of my son’s buddies and bandmates). i refuse to be that youth ministry guy who only talks about his experience in youth ministry back in the day.

Anniversary Trip to Italy

my amazing wife and i have talked about a trip to italy for years. we almost went for our 25th anniversary about six years ago. we had it planned for earlier this year (for our 30th), but postponed it due to my son’s HS graduation. but we’re going next may, and it’s likely going to be 2.5 weeks long. we’re in early planning stages now, and super excited.

i could list a dozen more things i’m pumped about. maybe i’ll post some time about a new sense of calling i have for a particular sort of ministry as i move deeper into my 50s. but that’s enough for today.

i hope that you’re also finding excitement and energy and renewal in your life and work!

Smoking Cigars to the Glory of God

I intend to smoke a good cigar to the glory of God before I go to bed tonight. – Charles Spurgeon

I love good cigars. The taste of a long-filler, hand-rolled premium cigar is, to my pallet, simply sublime.

I enjoy the craft of a good cigar (not the cheap-o machine made dogs). I revel at the opportunity to explain to the uninitiated-but-intrigued the difference between the filler, the binder and the wrapper, and the role each plays in the subtly and complexity of a cigar worth smoking.

I love the experience of smoking a cigar. Like a good meal, a cigar with friends provides a necessarily prolonged time of calm, perfect for discussion and dialogue (I’ve had some of the best conversations of my adult life in the presence of cigars).

And when by myself, the 45 minutes to an hour it takes to smoke a premium cigar is one of the most contemplative, nourishing, reflective, recalibrating sections of my otherwise busy and noisy days. When I’m home, it’s more often than not that I will slip out to my backyard (I do live in San Diego, after all) to relax, unwind, and think about the day—while puffing on a hand-rolled beauty.

I don’t want to over-spiritualize it, but cigars—for me—are one component of a deeply satisfying and sustainable life. And, like Spurgeon, I consider them a gift, assistance to the life I want, and, well: life-giving.

I have, occasionally, been called out on my tattoos by well-meaning Christians completely misinterpreting Leviticus 19:28. A few times, I’ve been asked to remove my earrings, in a church context where they’re considered inappropriate on a man.

But when fellow Christians find out I’m a cigar smoker, the most I usually get–even from those who would never think of partaking—is a disapproving chuckle.

I think that’s because, deep down, most thoughtful Christians realize an anti-cigar stance is a tough one to support biblically.

The most common pushback against cigars, from Christians misusing the Bible, is to reference the “your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” bit from 1 Corinthians 16. Of course, this is a good and helpful teaching. It just doesn’t have anything to do with cigars! Paul is referring to sleeping with prostitutes in that passage. And even if we broaden it to a general spiritual principal, there is no significant health risk in moderate cigar smoking (cigar smoke, in case you don’t know, is not meant to be inhaled, and doesn’t contain the nasty—and addictive–stuff found in cigarettes).

The only biblical bit that gives me pause, when it comes to cigar smoking, is the stumbling block question (which makes me a little nervous to even write this article!).

Once, on the pastoral team retreat for a large church where I worked (we had about 25 pastors on our team), my sub-group, including the children, youth, and young adults pastors all had one of our meetings outdoors with cigars. I was the Executive Pastor at that church, and my peer, the Executive Administrator, called me out on it in a meeting we had with the Senior Pastor. The Senior Pastor responded: “I want you to give me one biblical justification for your objection. And don’t even try to use the stumbling block passage; because, if any of our pastors aren’t mature enough that this would be a stumbling block to them, they shouldn’t be on our staff.” I loved that Senior Pastor.

Still, as a youth worker, this is a question, and a biblical principle, I have to take very seriously. While I know that cigars aren’t addictive (any more than food, and certainly less addictive than coffee or Twitter), I also know that the students I work with don’t have the discernment to see the difference between cigars and cigarettes and excessive use of alcohol and a host of other things I don’t want them partaking in. So I use caution and restraint, and I’m careful to be aware of my context.

I’m not trying to convince you to smoke cigars. If you have other regular ways to enjoy the goodness of God’s creation; if you have others ways to enjoy regular, extended quiet conversations with friends; if you have other ways to quietly unwind at the end of a day and reflect; and if none of those things is unnecessarily addictive or harmful, enjoy them. Enjoy them to the glory of God!

The Grace of Palm Sunday, part 2

the other day i noticed a trickle of incoming readers to a post i’d written back in 2009 about palm sunday. i clicked through and re-read it. here’s what i wrote back then:

this morning in church, hearing the teaching pastor talk about the events of palm sunday, it struck me how this story is such a clear expression of god’s grace to us. here’s jesus, riding the colt into jerusalem, with everyone all pumped up about “the prophet” coming. they laid down palm branches and shouted hosanna and all that. the buzz about jesus had reached a fever pitch after word of lazarus being raised from the dead in the nearby town of bethany. clearly, this was the prophet moses had promised would come.

and, of course, the whole time, jesus knew what was coming his way in the next week.

this is where the grace part struck me: jesus accepted their praise.

jesus accepted their praise knowing fully that they would turn on him within days.

i think i’ve always thought of this story in terms of “them” — those people who would so quickly turn on jesus. today, i was struck by how it’s my story also.

jesus shows me the same grace every time i acknowledge him, every time i choose to follow him, every time i give him praise. he knows that, just like those palm-waving peeps that day, i’ll quickly turn away, betray him (and what he stands for), choose my own way, discredit him, praise myself, or ignore him.

and yet he accepts my praise.

mmm, this is grace.

what really struck me as i read those thoughts, though, was the timing i couldn’t see when i wrote it. this post was written about a month before i shut down my blog and all social media. i was heading into the hardest months of my life, trying desperately (and failing) to keep the ministry i loved from falling apart or being dismantled. and in the end (later that year), i lost my job and parts of the ministry got sold off anyhow. more than 20 people lost their jobs, and a few more chose to leave on their own.

in the wake of that mess, i was lost for a while. i wrestled with god and questioned everything from my own identity to any possibility of a hopeful future to theo-practical questions about god’s goodness. eventually, hope arrived (with the presence of jesus, as it does). (btw: i wrote about this extensively in my book Hopecasting.)

little did i realize on that palm sunday in 2009 that the grace i was reflecting on was soon to become so intensely and desperately needed in my own life.

Why I’m Traveling to Easter Island With My Son Today

in the last several years, i’ve found myself in conversations multiple times with a dad of a high school guy who’s asking for input about how he should address the growing gap in their relationship. of course, some distancing between a high school guy and his dad is completely normal, developmentally.

funny example from the healthy relationship i’m blessed to have with my son — an exchange that took place while i was backing up the car and he was in the passenger seat:
Max: “You can back up further.”
Me: “No, there’s a bush.”
Max: “There’s tons of room!” (Then, continuing in a quiet affected voice, to no one in particular:) “I’m disagreeing with the male role model in my life because I’m an adolescent trying to establish myself, my identity and my power.”

in one of the earliest of that series of conversations with dads, i made a suggestion: you and your son need an epic adventure together. the idea took shape in my mind in the midst of me describing it: i’m not talking about taking your son on a ministry trip (or business trip). and i’m not talking about a night out. i’m talking about prioritizing something of a splurge in terms of time and cost. travel somewhere together where neither of you would likely go on your own. create an epic shared memory where you’re stuck together for a number of days without any other relationships to default to (spouse, siblings). the combination of epic-ness/adventure and quantity time will likely be massively fruitful. (i’m convinced that parents — especially dads — need to adopt a mindset that quality time only occurs in the midst of quantity time. you can’t really schedule quality time.)

since i articulated that idea in that conversation, i’ve repeated that advice a half dozen times to other dads. honestly: i don’t know if any of them took my advice.

but: even though my relationship with my son (who’s now 18 and about to leave the nest) is really wonderful, i decided a couple years ago that i should take my own advice. max and i started talking about what our epic adventure could be. my rules for myself on this were:
– this trip can’t be combined with a trip where i’m working in any way
– this trip would ideally be to a location neither of us had ever travelled to before
– max has a 51% share of the votes on where we go

Screen Shot 2016-03-17 at 11.42.03 AMfor a couple years we’ve talked about going to iceland. but once we settled on spring break of his senior year for the trip, we ruled out iceland (too cold in march!), and started considering locations in the southern hemisphere. somewhere along the way, i mentioned the idea of easter island. after a ton of research, we agreed, and made our plans.

easter island is one of the most remote inhabited islands on earth. we fly to santiago, chile (where we’ll spend 24 hours on each end of the trip); then we fly five hours straight west of santiago to get to easter island. easter island has an extremely unique history — it’s the story of a culture that was thriving, with well over 15,000 residents. but due to a bizarre story of seemingly bad choices involving competition between chiefs to construct massive statues (some call these ‘tikis’ — their official name is ‘moai’), every last tree on the island was cut down. then the topsoil completely eroded. along the way, the population ate all the indigenous animals. all of this led to a societal collapse, almost to the point of cultural extinction (they got as low as 111 residents in 1877). today, there are roughly 5000 permanent residents of the island, with a little over half being descendants of the original rapa nui people.

easter island moaisi have the advantage of airline miles. so max and i can get to santiago and home without flight cost. our cost, then, included reasonable flights from santiago to easter island and back, and humble accommodations with a partial kitchen that will allow us to avoid eating out the whole time. and the splurge i chose was booking private tours of the island (which seemed so preferable to being on a tour bus with a bunch of other tourists!).

because of my work, max has had the somewhat uncommon benefit of traveling to lots of cool places with me. he’s been all over the US and canada and mexico. and he’s been to haiti, peru, guatemala, england, and new zealand. but those were all ‘my trips’ where he got to tag along. this trip is OUR trip, only.

FRIDAY NUGGET: What You Do is Not Who You Are

I spin plates. I’m really good at it. Do you know what I mean? I have so many tasks and projects and ideas that demand my attention and focus: they require that I keep reaching toward them, giving them a little spin, to keep them from crashing to the ground.

Someone once asked me if my concern was that I wouldn’t know what to do if one or more plates crashed to the ground. But that’s not my issue. The issue for me is that I’ve often not been convinced I would know who I am, in a deep inner-life sort of way, if the plates no longer required spinning. After all, plate-spinner has become an identity.

Maybe, like me, you’re a youth worker. You passionately pour yourself out into the projects and people of youth ministry. But that’s not who you are. Do you know that, at a deep level? Do you know that you are so much more than what you do?

I’ve been on a long journey to separate “who I am” from “what I do.” Or, as a wise person said to me, to turn both “who I am” and “what I do” over to the transformational, redemptive work of God. So, if you hear a loud ripping sound coming from San Diego, you can assume it’s me. Want to join me?

my 2014 travel year, by the numbers

IMG_4820

  • Trips (not including personal stuff): 31
  • Stops (some trips had more than one stop): 46
  • Airline mileage: 144,742
  • Flight segments: 141

IMG_4876

  • Train segments: 1
  • Nights in a hotel, camp, conference center or guest bed: 124
  • US States visited (not including layovers): 17 (CA, MI, GA, MA, CT, PA, NJ, SC, OH, WA, NC, AL, CO, TX, TN, VA, IN)
  • Foreign countries visited: 3 (England, Canada, Belize)
  • Car rentals (not including a couple in-town rentals): 34
  • Car rental Days: 86
  • Nights stuck in a layover city due to missed connections: 4

IMG_4905

my bucket list, end o’ 2014 edition

i am a person not short of longings and daydreams. and i collect experiences like others collect trinkets. so it should not be a surprise that i think ‘bucket lists’ are fun. in fact, at the first meeting of each new cohort of the Cartel’s Youth Ministry Coaching Program, i have participants give us a little glimpse into who they are by sharing 3 bucket list items: one they have done in the last few years, one they’d like to do and probably will, and one they’d like to do but probably never will.

so, i’m gonna put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, as it were) to list some of my own. some of these were already in place; but others i’m making up on the spot.

in no particular order:

  1. continue to visit one new country, at least every other year. i’d love to visit one new country per year, but that’s not always reasonable. however, i have 2 (and maybe 3) on deck for 2015 already (Italy, Spain, and maybe Jamaica). i’m at about 41 or 43 countries visited so far, and i’d certainly like that to cross 50. 75 would be nice.
  2. visit the two remaining states i have not been to (Vermont and Idaho), merely to complete the 50.
  3. vacation with my wife in Italy for our 30th anniversary for 3 full weeks (this one is likely, for 2016).
  4. write a handful of books for the broader christian market (meaning: not youth ministry or teens or parents). i have my first–Hopecasting–releasing in march. how it does will greatly determine whether this is a one-and-done item, or a broader impact and new area of growth for me.
  5. grow The Youth Cartel to a sustainable place where i’m less necessary. i imagine about 5 or 7 staff, a fun office, ongoing creativity and impact, and the ability for me to play an active role without being so busy.
  6. bucket list

  7. be involved in raising up a couple UH-MAZE-ING next leaders for The Youth Cartel–people who are WAY more talented than me and WAY more likely to instigate a revolution in youth ministry.
  8. be an 80 year-old middle school ministry volunteer, if i make it that long (in life, that is, not in ministry).
  9. speaking of being less busy, i would love to scale back but still be meaningfully involved in youth ministry and Cartel-y things, post 60.
  10. move to a house with an ocean view.
  11. have a cabin in the mountains where i can retreat whenever the heck i feel like it.
  12. a harley. or a vespa. (yeah, i know those couldn’t be more different; but i’d love them both and realize that’s absurd.)
  13. get asked to speak in chapel at my alma mater.
  14. paint. (i loved this back in college, and would love to revive it when i reach that partial retirement mentioned above.)

and then, all the more noble things that don’t quite qualify as bucket list items, like launching two independent and passionate adults (who are currently teenage and young adult), loving my wife better, and stuff like that. but, yeah, those aren’t really bucket list items.

how about you? what’s the item on your list that you might actually do, one day?