yeah, you probably heard that self-described “painter of light” (i thought that was rembrandt, btw) thomas kinkade died a few weeks back. made me think of some old posts i wrote a LONG time ago, when i’d heard there were plans afoot to build thomas kinkade custom homes ($4 – $6 million!).
this is one of those lame posts that might not have made anyone else laugh, but totally humored me as i wrote it, and as i read it again now!
so, with respect to t.k., i give you…
TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN A THOMAS KINKADE HOME
10. everything is fuzzy, all the time. please, some crispness.
9. lamp posts are fun on mainstreet disney, and quaint in parts of london, but get really old in your front yard.
8. constant flow of tourists who think jesus lives in your house.
7. those TBN tour busses are always stopping in front of the house, blocking the view of the faux covered bridge.
6. the animatronic ducks have to be reset everytime there’s a power outage.
5. village ccr’s require kinkade quote “in ‘lakeside manor’, first in my mansions in paradise series, i attempted to create a mansion truly worthy of a paradise, whether earthly or heavenly” printed on door mat.
4. requirement that all your coasters, tapestries, checks, tea cozies, mugs, throw pillows, bible covers and various other household items be “kinkade only”.
3. discovering that the stone bridge over your private stream is only styrofoam and won’t even hold the weight of your bichon frise.
2. third-world laborers claim rights to portions of your house in massive class-action lawsuit.
1. sleep becomes impossible with constant flow of yellowish light in every room. and the electricity bill? oof!
and a bonus…
0. rembrandt, the real painter of light, awakes from his deep slumber and is extremely ticked — begins sending you daily threatening emails.