this morning i was laying flat on my back in a dentist’s chair, mouth wide open, cute latina dental hygenist cleaning my teeth. you know this place, it’s awkward enough already, right? someone has her hands in my mouth, and her face 6 inches from mine (i’m not implying it’s sexual at all — just awkward in a “personal space” kind of way).

but, then…

the two of us were enveloped in an invisible cloud of such strong and putrid gaseousness, my eyes literally started to water. and, shock of all shocks, it wasn’t me. which meant, it was her. i wanted to not breathe through my nose, but had no option, since my mouth was open to about 60-degrees and jammed full with two hands and various dental impliments. tears trickled out of the corners of my eyes. she made a little noise, like a “whoo!”, but more to herself than to me.

neither of us ever acknowledged what had happened. but we both knew.