superuseless superpowers is a blog by an anonymous artist who creates little cartoon drawings of, well, just what the title says. some funny stuff (which, i’m sure some of you youth workers could find a use for, btw — would be fun fodder for a talk on god’s power, or the power of the holy spirit to transform our lives).
a few that caught my attention…
SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Healing Punch
Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Too bad your ferocious fists instantly heal the damage you inflict. Whereas most punches would deliver a crushing Ivan Drago-like knockout. Yours leave your opponent feeling amazingly refreshed and rejuvenated. At least until he counters with an uppercut to your esophagus.
SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Eventual Kevlar Skin.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Boink.
SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: In-flight flight.
Being able to soar through the air still won’t save you from recycled oxygen and endless stories from complete strangers. Known as the “Cabin Sparrow,” this so-called power lets you fly, but only within the confines of an airplane. At least you can leapfrog the beverage cart when explosive diarrhea strikes at 30,000 feet.
SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Ultra Short-Range Teleportation.
This unamazing power lets you teleport up to one inch away. When done in rapid succession, it gives that old-timey stop action feel. It can also really push your “popping & locking” routine to the next level.