Tag Archives: the youth cartel’s dictionary of youth ministry

selections from The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry (part 4)

the second book published by The Youth Cartel is out. it’s real (ha! we’re a real publisher!). it’s a feisty little book of snark and giggles, by steve case, called The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry.

this is the last in my posts of some of my favorites, this time from the Ps through the Xs:

P is for…

Pestilence
Plagues of locusts, flies, lice, blood, frogs, disease. Is it just me or does this sound like the church van after a youth trip?

R is for…

Realization
The moment you find yourself on a mission trip, eating (right from the box) the cereal from the variety pack that nobody else wanted and washing it down with warm soda while standing in line to get a shower before the hot water runs out, and then you begin wondering if maybe you should have pursued accounting like your father suggested.

Receptive
When the youth ministry want ad reads, “We are receptive to new ideas,” it means as long as they’re the same ideas as the old ideas.

T is for…

Twister®
Classic game from the ‘70s. Never works out like it does on the box. Plus, there will always be some junior high kid who gets all creepy and says, “Let’s play it nekid!”

V is for…

Vacation
Wait, what do you mean taking 150 kids to the beach for a mission weekend counts toward my vacation?

W is for…

Welcome Wagon
The pair of mothers who sit outside your office door on your first day just so they can tell you how sad they were to see the last youth worker leave.

X is for…

Xylophone
Youth worship service gone horribly, horribly wrong.

this is the last post in this series! but, you can pre-order the whole thing here!

(btw: that illustration is one of 10 in the book, all done by the amazing melanie crutchfield.)

selections from The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry (part 3)

the second book published by The Youth Cartel is officially out (ha! we’re a real publisher!). it’s a feisty little book of snark and giggles, by steve case, called The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry.

how ’bout i give you a sampler platter of a handful of my favorites, from the Hs through the Ns:

H is for…

Heresy
The thing your little side comment during Bible study became when it finally got back to your senior pastor.

Hope
Cling to it. You’ll find that kid. Hide and Seek can’t go on for more than 24 hours. #craftcabinet #boilerroom #communionwine

I is for…

Interview

  • Don’t bring your dog.
  • Don’t have burritos beforehand.
  • Don’t laugh when they ask for references.
  • Don’t start any story with, “This one time when we were on the roof …”

K is for…

Kitchen
The most holy and sacred place in the church building (be¬sides the secretary’s desk, of course). Whatever you place in this room will disappear. Actually, whatever anyone places in this room will disappear, but your students will be blamed. So avoid this room at all costs.

M is for…

Matthew
Disciple. Tax collector. The money guy of the group. The one disciple who was always on Jesus’ case about keeping the receipts.

Minister
You may often hear the question, “You’re almost 30 (40, 50). When are you going to become a real minister?” You can usually answer with, “You’re almost 70 (80, 90). When are you going to break your hip?”

N is for…

Negative Parents
When paired with positive parents, you can complete an electrical circuit. #staygrounded

Nyquil®
#longcardrives #letsplaythequietgame

i’ll post more in the weeks to come. and, you can order the whole thing here!

selections from The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry (part 2)

the second book published by The Youth Cartel comes out in about a week. it’s a feisty little book of snark and giggles, by steve case, called The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry.

today’s sampler platter is a handful of my favorites from the Ds, Es, and Gs:

D is for…

Demon Possession
#whatdoyoumeanwehavenocoffee

Devotions
Those quiet moments at the end of the day on the mission trip when you gather your youth together with (Jimmy stop that) candles and music and read (Shhhh, let’s be quiet now) something meaningful and feel the presence of the Creator God (Ewww, OK, who did that) in your midst (You know what? Just forget it. Go to bed.).

Doug
That really weird teenager who sings to himself and spends too much time at the convenience store, and nobody likes him, so he just hangs around you every time you go to the amusement park, and he won’t ride the roller coaster ‘cause it makes him throw up. #apologiestoalldougs

E is for…

Easter
Jesus comes hopping out of the tomb and gives everyone chocolate bunnies and jelly beans. #mixedmessages

Elderly
Good, kindhearted church people who move slowly enough to be used as slalom poles for skateboard races.

G is for…

Gabriel
God’s messenger angel. Usually depicted in art and Sunday school curriculum as having a horn to get people’s attention. Continue this “biblical” custom at your next youth gathering, board meeting, or church event. #funeral

Graduation Gifts
Top five books to give your graduating seniors:

  1. Angry White Grandpa: Not Everyone Sees God Like You Do
  2. Converting The Unconvertible: How To Make A First Impression on Your Roommate.
  3. Real College: Study Habits to keep you from Moving Home with Mom and Dad
  4. Is That a Cross In Your Pocket? Dealing with Missional Temptation
  5. That’s Not Incense: Worship Practices of College Dormitories

i’ll post more in the weeks to come. and, you can pre-order the whole thing here!

selections from The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry (part 1)

the second book published by The Youth Cartel comes out in a couple weeks. it’s a feisty little book of snark and giggles, by steve case, called The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry.

how ’bout i give you a sampler platter of a handful of my favorites, from the As and Cs:

A is for…

Aaron
Moses’ brother. Occasionally asked people to call him Betsy. No, I just made that up, but I wanted to let you know the kind of book you are in for.

Absence
Makes the heart grow fonder. Unless it has to do with one of those kids you secretly can’t stand, in which case you may want to accidentally replace that little “We Missed You” post-card with a “We’d love to have you visit” postcard that you stole from the youth ministry at that other church.

Alluring
Jezebel painted her eyes to look “alluring.” Also the name of that perfume worn by the 80-year-old organist who applies it so heavily you know exactly where she has been anywhere in the building. Hey, new youth game! #finddoris

Armor of God
No, I am NOT dressing up to watch Lord of the Rings. It’s for Sunday school! #myprecious

C is for…

Christ-Centered
Use this term every time you have to write a newsletter article about your ministry. Examples: “Christ-centered Dodgeball,” “Christ-centered Bake Sale,” “Christ-centered Pizza Party.”

Control
You have none. Get over it. #thisisyouthministry

Crying
There’s no crying in youth ministry (unless Michael W. Smith’s “Friends” is playing). #camphighlightvideo

i’ll post more in the weeks to come. and, you can pre-order the whole thing here!