just when you thought the latest fad in teenage culture couldn’t get worse…

just when youth workers are getting used to saying “oral sex” without an awkward pause that belies their own issues…

just when “pharm parties” and “rainbow parties” and “”friends with benefits” and “gay until graduation” have become commonplace in our youth ministry fundraising venacular…

along comes a new trend, a new fad, that is so terrifying, so destructive, so anti-christian and counter-to-what-anyone-would-consider-good-taste. a fad that, while surely helpful to speakers and youth ministry non-profits who need to scare a few more donors into kicking in some “save the kids” bucks, could ultimately signal the true bottom, the absolute depth of evil of youth culture. this fad seals the deal on the concept that today’s teenagers have no moral grounding, no sense of right and wrong, and no ability to move beyond belief to conviction.

you may not want to read further. it could become painful. those with medical issues or weak stomachs are encouraged to stop here and begin praying for the rest of us, who, because of our calling to love teenagers, are compelled to find a way into and through this latest beelzebubbian lure.

i can hardly type it. i did not even know about it myself until this past weekend, when i spoke to a group of so-called “leaders” — high school perverts who embraced this new vileness.

but i must make you aware. because my calling is to equip youth workers, i am compelled, though i hesitate even now…

it — the evil thing — is…

the casual use of the ukulele — four-stringed baby-guitars of death.

three teenagers, from two different churches, had ukuleles with them this weekend. and they played them non-stop. well, thankfully, they stopped during my talks. but that was about it. all weekend, i was unwillingly bathing in the strum-strummy sounds of junior don ho’s. and when i casually mentioned to one seemingly sharp and christian girl (though her response would lead me to believe otherwise) that i had certainly had my yearly fill of ukulele this weekend, she responded (to my horror): “oh, they’re really popular now — two of my friends back home play them all the time.” to make it worse, she said this with a casual smile and a false innocence that shook my very soul and caused every muscle in my body to involuntarily tense.

picture the natural progression of this trend, if you dare. these kids on this retreat are san fransisco bay-area kids — arguably, next to new york, some of the earliest in any youth culture tipping point. what happens in san fran does not stay in san fran. before we know it, innocent plains teens from otherwise pure states like kansas and south dakota will be picking up these reasonably inexpensive, but deadly, instuments of simple pleasure, and bringing their down-home hokey plunkety-plunk chords to unexpecting peers.

we youth workers must prepare. we must be ready.

i, for one, will commit the resources of youth specialties to creating awareness and resources to help youth workers in this struggle. we will start a campaign, either called “Don’t Be A Don Ho” or “Know Jesus, No Ukulele” or “The Battle for a No-Uke Generation”. we’ll develop curriculum, available for free (with any substantial donation), and lots of articles and cool graphics and other nifty “no uke” stuff.

** this just added: we’ve squeezed two additional seminars in at all three youth workers conventions this fall: one on understanding the basic of the uke phenomenon and how you can fight it; and a second on the basics of playing a ukukele, for those of you who wish to try to infiltrate this segment of youth culture and create a revolution from the inside-out.

as for me: i’ll have that heinous sound ricocheting around my brain for a few more days. pray for me, that i can escape this evil, and not be lured into it myself.